PURE AZURE

RESTLESS VI

2009-06-07T02:20:00.002+08:00

so much has happened and i don't know where to begin.

everything's finally over though. in a way i'm glad that it's over, so that i can finally start on revising for that dreaded terms. but at the same time, i'm disappointed that the magic has to end here. it's as if i'm in a fairy tale - when we are in the CPA from 10am to 10.30pm (that's half a day!) this entire week, i've missed the sun for so long. we're just cut off from the world, and literally living in a world of our own. everything's magical. we make miracles happen by enduring scoldings and making effort to change. the encouragement that we gave each other was immense - everyone was just so helpful and passionate. things were a little emotional lately though. i cried twice watching the video 'how i live', once when someone made a speech and once tonight when madam had to leave soon. it's as if cinderella has to resume back to her normal life after the clock strikes midnight. all good things must come to an end. i just hope that the time we spent with each other is enough for us to get to know each other better and accept one another. i'm just afraid things will go back to how it used to be pre-restless - divided and different. we all came from different backgrounds with different personalities, but yet during restless sir has really did a lot to put us together and make sure we stay together as one. so i think that's really applaudable. i thought boombox was awesome, we worked so hard together and that's something we can be proud of - it's an entirely pure j1 item. i've always looked up to the seniors, not only are they bonded, they can multi-task. their potentials are unleashed this week when during the middle of the show, even when they're changing into their costumes as quickly as possible they still have time to cheer us on. they're invincible. i can never be like that. the alumni's just as awesome. my buddy's always there for me, without fail, even before the finale started.

the flowers i received. thank you so much people! each and every flower presented to me just shows how much you care. from this show i could tell who're the people who truly care. the people who have made empty promises earlier on should shoot themselves. but deep down, i should shoot myself for even putting an ounce of hope on them, because i've already known they won't.

you weren't there. there's an empty feeling. that show was initially for you btw.

2009-05-06T20:03:00.002+08:00

omg cheap thrill! :D you know what happened recently haha!

oh haha i finished napfa like last week so PE this week was pretty slack. it's pretty funny watching the other half of the class take their napfa while you're happily recording down their scores. but damn...everyone did pretty well.

KARMA!! haha you know what happened and you know it yourself too.

school's just started getting busy and gosh i think i'm gonna cry and die. i don't want to say goodbye to spending my long breaks (2h 40min!) talking endlessly with lyn because that means i'll have to start catching up with school work., no wonder rach spends so much time in the library. she advised me to START like right now or i won't be able to cope which seriously sucks cuz i don't want history to repeat itself again but yet i can't seem to pick up my notes.

i'll upload pictures next time but honestly, there's kinda nothing to see cuz it's always the few of us.

hmm there's so many things i wanted to say but i'm really tired since there's so much shit going on today it's draining me. and anyway happy bday wenlyn & denise! everyone's officially seventeen except rq! hahaha! :D

2009-04-25T15:28:00.003+08:00

rawr. bloody blogger. this isn't the first time you screwed up. can anyone see anything?? )): shit this is pissing me off.

what hurts the most

2009-04-25T14:23:00.002+08:00

monday's the deadline for PI submission and i'm finishing my draft 2 sooooon. mr lee said my PI was gooood i'm so glad! yippee! :D

went for ballet yesterday and saw that the doors were sealed and i kinda freaked out. like everyone's having their exams and i don't get to take it anymore. )): miss the times when i could skip school just for ballet. haha but still i'm glad i've finished them. frankly speaking i know i've kinda lost that spark - i didn't just think she would say it out i think. i mean i'm not complacent - i'm just tired sometimes - tired of it all. and frankly speaking it's kinda pointless. i don't know why i'm continuing ballet either since i know nothing'll come out of it. i'm not really gna be a professional ballet dancer or something, so why bother. after intermediate i can start applying for teachers' but i'm not so sure i wanna be a teacher either. and what comes next after intermediate? do i continue with advanced? the sound of pirouettes on altitude/triple pirouettes is tempting, but so what. i don't think ballet is what i have in mind as a career. how am i supposed to compete with the rest when they're all so good?

and ac dance. syf's really a disappointment, i felt so sad for the dancers. i genuinely thought they were good. the dance made me cry - just to see their emotions etched on their faces. i thought for once it made realise the true meaning of dance. i've got a shock when they've got only a bronze. true i believed they would do well. but of course, when i watched cedar syf on tue and watched their rehearsal on the same day i just didn't feel as excited anymore. i knew that cedar's standards are much too high for any other schools - because laoshi's a god. she creates miracles and i'm so in awe of her i just want to dance for her next time. cross my fingers and pray that she doesn't retire before i join frontier. but of course, i still felt that ac dance deserved something more. sure, the choreography might not be jaw-dropping, but really the dancers just danced it out. when claud told me what happened i was in shock. i wasn't convinced until i saw the video. and then my perspective changed. i'm sorry - that was hypocritical. how can i ever trust you again?

hey, i kept this blog for you. but if you're not gonna care, then why am i bothering to blog? so many times i've thought of changing url (i really wanted to change to xanga) but i'm just afraid you'll lose sight of me. you've moved on with your life, and so have i. but sometimes i still pause to ponder about what should have been right for us. the other day, someone told me about you and to know that you're not exactly happy (with her) kinda made me smile. i know it's selfish - but i told you you would be happier with me.

CEDAR DANCE GOLD WITH HONOURS FOR SYF! :DD laoshi ftw! sigh i'm in awe of her. all her 4 schools had gold with honours! video's up on facebook! i saw rj's dance too.

my sis got dsta! but she's sent to local uni. omg so sad. fringe benefits though. everything's paid for - even accommodations i think. wow if she goes to nus i'll see her quite often? but imperial seems like heaven now and nus hell. ): if she hadn't been accepted into imperial it'd seem more tempting. but situation's different now.

i'm screwed up for geog. help me. (other subjects too but i just can't bring myself to study geog.)

~~how could you. but after all these i still do.~~

happy bday

2009-04-19T00:09:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BDAY TO ME! :D haha well i still have until 1.35pm today!

hide and seek

2009-04-09T20:03:00.006+08:00

Mmm, what you say?

Mm, that you only meant well?

Well, of course you did.

Mmm, what you say?

Mm, that it's all for the best?

Ah of course it is.

Mmm, what you say?

Mm, that it's just what we need?

And you decided this.

Mmm what you say?

What did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

St. Luke's Day

2009-04-04T22:20:00.005+08:00

week 2 just passed and i've accomplished nothing. ):
hey there. i'm writing this to you knowing that you won't ever know that it's for you. it's not meant for you to know anyway. i wish you'd treat me better - i know you're already rather nice towards me, as a friend - but then i'd wish you'd do more. even she observes that i'm always the one putting in effort. i don't want to be giving again and not getting anything in return. i feel like i'm doing more for us than you sometimes. i want you to know how i feel though. i like you. i tried to forget you but i realise i can't. i thought i could face you as a friend, but no i can't. it's just not the same. you were my first. and i didn't realise how important it is. all these years i tried to forget you but it's that secret that's deep within the ocean of my heart. now it's resurfacing again and it's so evident that i need you. but i know you'll never be there for me again, not in that way anymore. i feel that we're running in circles, cuz we're back to that position when i need you and you're always there as a listening ear. you were always there for me, even though you didn't realise it. and now you are again. i know at times you just can't be bothered and i'm not that important to you - but i can't help relying on you. cuz there'll be no one i'd open up to. p.s i think i might love you.

methodist walk

2009-03-28T13:40:00.002+08:00

today's the first time that i found out what is the true meaning of 'running as fast as your legs could carry you'.

methodist walk was both thrilling & boring. won't talk much about it because i'm not supposed to, but you can ask me - it's a really exciting story. (:

the first week of term two's gone. like the wind~ i've enjoyed school, but lessons - nope. i'm kinda afraid that i'll be retained, yet i know that focusing is the last thing that i can do. >< pictures up in facebook - you can see that i clearly enjoy school. we've had so much fun & the j2s were having their terms it's so funny you can totally see them mugging around the whole school. (: frolicking at holland v has been our latest thing these days - we just can't get enough of it. i don't know why - we still think frolick's overrated, but it's so good we can't resist eating it. jumes & ana swore off waffles but i'll bet they'll be begging for more. (: i'm not that fond of waffles, but once in a while we'll pig out on waffles. dance was better than i expected - i had bruises (like rough sex) but i felt good.

syf'o9 is just round the corner. good luck cedar dancers! you'll always be my ~~baby~~ part of me. (: & so is acjc dance! i'm sure that my past and present will be equally good.

i'm going off to sleep now. PIG.

pictures

2009-03-22T14:22:00.010+08:00

pictures

2009-03-16T15:05:00.020+08:00

some pictures of term 1! :D

oh & my sis is accepted into imperial college (bristol, birmingham & manchester as well), how very exciting. ((:

holidays! :DD

2009-03-13T23:15:00.001+08:00

the much needed break is here! :D

we love holidays! woooohooooo!

say (all i need)

2009-03-11T21:22:00.002+08:00

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

~~no matter how much i try to run & hide, i realise i do need you still. ):~~

breakeven (script)

2009-03-10T18:23:00.003+08:00

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay

sometimes i don't want it to be just that way. i'd like to keep the present, cause i like what we have, but at times, i think we'd just speed up things a little. looking back, i wish i'd the courage. but the opportunity lost, was lost forever. now it's just regret. sometimes i'd like to think i've impacted you. but then i know it's just you changing. sometimes i'd like to think you treat me differently, but then i know you treat everyone equally. it hurts to know that i've no special place in your heart and it annoys me that i'm taken for granted. sometimes i feel that when you're doing things for me, it's out of obligation, not because you want to, or because i'm more important. but then, those little things you do just make me feel damn happy.

((:

2009-03-05T21:51:00.003+08:00

i've had an absolutely fun-filled week! everyday's getting better & better! :DD

but tmr's A levels results day, so i think i'll pray for my sister. (:

oh no i feel so guilty now i think i'm some slut with straying eyes. don't, nette! :D i'm feeling a little sinful, but they're just so good i can't make up my decision!

i've celebrated 8 birthdays this week wow school's such a wreck these days! we create havoc man! for all bdays there's cake/icecream smashing, but most of the time we'll come up with something to humiliate the bday girl/boy! i love jumes's idea she had to wear a crown & cape all day long & we could just feel the stares in school teehee!

lynnette & i were just practically gossiping/sharing secrets in school it was so funnn esp during free time! :D shit now i'm thinking of doing my own edition of gossipgirl! :D oh yay i can't wait for girls' night out it's gonna be wild!

dance camp

2009-03-01T23:35:00.005+08:00

back from dance camp! :DD

wheeeeee i survived the vigorous trainings of dance camp & i must say - i feel accomplished. (: after 3 packets of heat packs & 2 packets of salonpas, i'm glad to say that i'm still feeling fine. i've been dancing since last sunday! :DD studio wu on sunday, ballet class on monday, dance practices on tuesday, wednesday & thursday, then dance camp on friday & saturday. (: i'm so fucking glad there's no ballet class today, or else i'll just faint from exhaustion. it was fun though, i must say - learning different genres of dance. i rather enjoyed master ballet class, though i can't say it's really master. it's mostly basic class - i got a little carried away. SHIT I MISS BALLET LIKE CRAZY NOW. well at least there's ballet tmr, but we're back to class syllabus, no more allegro! )): shit i forgot all my barre & centre work! )): well camp's schedule's pretty packed. we have like 11 to 12 hrs of dance on friday. we've been dancing after lunch till 12am at night. raj's pretty demanding & the conditioning's really like never before tiring - but i hope i'll get abs! haha! right now my non-existent abs hurt so much it hurts when i cough. I'M BACK TO CHEERLEADING DAYS woots! i must say i enjoyed hip hop the most. the instructor's really nice & the dance moves are pretty easy to master. reggae belly kind of bores me a little - the steps look almost the same! -.-" haha but nevertheless it was quite fun! who says dance isn't a sport? haha it's even more vigorous than some sports i must say. & i'll never forget that phrase '...compared to the 61 common sports, only professional [American] football is more physically demanding than ballet'.

we have food baskets where we can just grab food anytime we want during breaks. but breaks aren't really often so we stuff ourselves we food each time during breaks. we had dance battle at the end of the camp. it was fun, but my skirt dropped off during performance & it was rather embarrassing. we didn't win, but it's okay. (:

I MISS BALLET! ): erm in which case i mean my own ballet class tmr (but i do love my team too of course! :P)

singin' in the rain

2009-02-25T22:32:00.003+08:00

i've finally sung in the rain! :DD hahaha!

it rained today during cross country! ): i've finished more than half the journey before it rained (in a way i'm glad, since i knew i couldn't finish within top 200)! yeah i took part in the competitive girls' running, which was so silly of me. it rained harder than ever & we had to rush to the void deck opposite for shelter. well but i finally sung in the rain! :D wheeee i can finally do my own edition of singin' in the rain! gene kelly, you're not the only one doing that musical now! ((:

we had og dinner later on at amk hub. spent a million years getting changed out of the drenched clothes. it was awesome! we had stupid games & stupid penalties. but all in all silliness is our motto!

that 2h 40 min yesterday was super wild! we had games like 'i've never' & 'truth/dare'! the punishment for 'i've never' was pretty simple - dragonfruit, pineapple & finally dragonfruit + honey lemon juice! it looked gross, but it wasn't that bad. (: 'truth/dare' was the worst! ): there was this one time (~~at band camp~~), i had to go up to the drama table & do bum bum di dum. >< it was a nose-cringing experience!

anyway i can't wait for dance camp! dance has been great so far & i think i'll be enjoying my cca. (: so see you after dance camp! :DD

fucking blogger

2009-02-21T21:42:00.002+08:00

i hate blogger.

i can't fucking upload any pics! ): why oh why? i've realised i'm a lot less vulgar after being in jc - don't think anyone can tolerate profanity. i'm only using them when i'm totally vexed. like right now. BLOGGER SHLD BE IN MY SHIT LIST. alright. perhaps my plan of attack would be to change to XANGAAAA! <3

had loads of fun this week, minus the unlucky parts. ): dance was awesome - everyone was cheering all the time. raj was strict, but i haven't been punished yet. THANK GOD. i'm so glad my groups didn't make any mistakes. they were all really great! everyone tried their best & the seniors were spontaneous & nice. i hope i'll really get to know all of them during dance camp - in which i'm in the ballet/jazz category btw. anyone else in there?? )): went for free fall (hit) float on thu with the usual gang! wheee finally it's the five of us! :D old school was great - rundown & spacious. just like what 'old school' ought to be hehehe. :P camwhored like mad. then went for dinner with pinghui & wenbin joined us after his bball prac. had loads of heart-to-heart talk & i loved every min of it! it was great to have a burden off my chest & to be so frank & honest with someone. i'm lovin' it! :D thanks a lot dearest friends! studio wu tmr with juanjuan, jieling, pinghui & 2 random others. hopefully it'll be fun!! :D

i've got my class already. hopefully SC5'll bond. i'm starting to know a little about each of them. but i'm still a little apprehensive. i'm just starting to grow warmer to evren & we gotta part ways now. ): i'll miss our jap cafe moments! i'm a little luckier - i've got serene in my class. but then i'll have to get to know 24 other people from my class. & wtf there're only 4 guys in my class. ): my individual timetable looks promising. (: i'm a little slack though since i've dropped chinese. :D

i'm in science & math council! please don't laugh. i know what you're getting at. dance is such a happening cca & well, SMC's the contrast. i hope that by joining SMC i'll have the environment to motivate myself to work harder for math - cuz currently it's bullshit. i know nothing abt parabola & elipses & asymptotes & conics. they seem foreign to me. yes even asymptote. i've no fucking idea what that is. anyway there's this science frontier i'm involved in on 28th feb & 7th march and i've just fucking realised that i can't make it on 28th cuz i've dance camp. great! & it's founder's day. great.

a song from ages ago:

if i knew that you were mine,

i wouldn't have wasted time

i wish i could erase the past

now it's all collapsed in my lap

vday

2009-02-15T15:05:00.003+08:00

you disgust me.

on a brighter note, i got into dance! :DD sounds good or what?

fiesta's dance was a disaster. there were 2 slots - 8.40am & 1pm. i totally freaked out on the first show. it was HIDEOUS. the 2nd one was better, but nura kept coming in & blocked my view. wb & ph missed my show! ): but we went off later & watched slumdog millionaire. i'm exhausted. reached home close to 12. it's been 24 hrs since i last saw home. & i only had 3 hrs of sleep for the entire day, since we slept over at kw's house.

i keep bleeding, i keep keep bleeding love...

vday celebration was fun! love was practically in the air. (: my og was great - they were all enthusiastic & fun-loving. we had exchange of vday gifts & camwhoring sessions. & we ponned lectures for the day! headed off to orchard to while away our time because there was movie under the stars! :DD they broadcasted 'the notebook' on the bball court & throughout that 2 hrs i sat on the hard, sandy floor. heat was emitting/radiating from the ground & my butt was practically numb from the heat & prolonged seating. :O towards the end, all i could hear in my mind was PCD's 'i hate this part' (i can't take it any longer...) it felt like ballet under the stars, minus the grass, picnic mats & ang mohs (& of course the ballet show).

but i had 2 good days in a row! being accepted into dance was the best thing that had happened to me this week. so who said friday the 13th is black friday?

ruined.

2009-02-09T16:22:00.003+08:00

you've ruined my day. i hope you'll rot in hell.

pure azure

2009-02-08T01:00:00.002+08:00

i'm worried for you. you were once my favourite.

on a lighter note:

NOTHING FEELS LIKE HOME!

THE BEST IS YET TO BE.

live the legacy

2009-02-07T00:47:00.007+08:00

3x2=6! :DD

today was sample lecture day, so we had introductory lectures throughout the whole day. hung around with wenbin for most of the day, since we have no one else. boohoohoos. okay not really. i do love my OG, but we haven't really spent much time together cuz we're in different OGs. & what about being a spy for bestest friend ph? (:

'campfire' (fire without flames, anyone?) in the night until 11pm. can't believe orientation's over. i'm quite glad, but a little disappointed at the same time. i'm only slowly starting to warm up to my OG, but yet it's coming to an end. & stupid math diagnostic test! i'm still confused by what subjects i should take - it's either BCMG/BCML/BCME. & should i appeal for 4 H2s?! wenbin's appealing for 4 H2s too. pinghui's right. the perv in me is slowly dying down. perhaps i'll be normal again. or not.

we're seriously out of time for cedar fiesta! what, we've only choreographed the lyrical! we must start soon, or else it'll be a failure!

orientation.

2009-02-03T21:51:00.002+08:00

for always. (:

somehow, in a way, i'm secretly glad. thank you for staying by my side.

state of shock (jae) & chingay

2009-02-01T23:11:00.002+08:00

i'm in a state of shock.

anyway, on the brighter side:

chingay wonderland! :DD

loved every minute of it - from the makeup by the professional makeup artists from cosmoprof, the difficulty of getting into layers & layers of costume & getting onto the bus (in a funny & clumsy manner), the traffic stopping for us (we stop traffic!), waving to the crowd, the performance, the spontaneous crowd, the finale item, the performance, the costume down to the parade where the crowd cheers & reaches out for you when you walk past.

it's all so surreal everything went by in seconds & here i am, unwilling to part with the beautiful sparkling 3-inch makeup although it's gross. i felt like the true Queen of Sheba (hehe). i could say it out loud that we have the most beautiful costume throughout the whole event. now that it's over, i have to admit that i would die to do it again. it's like an addiction - something you have to do to keep you going. chingay will never be the same again.

oh & i saw myself on tv! it was a small part & no one in the right mind would notice, but i was so unglam, arms akimbo. ):

cny @ msia

2009-01-29T12:03:00.009+08:00

CNY in msia!! i was so bored to death that i've attempted jumping over the cliff near my house just for some thrill. nah just kidding. ><>

and chingay! :DD
watch out for me in the finale item! :D

cny

2009-01-26T01:13:00.006+08:00

just came back, so before i forget - happy chinese new year! :D

i'm feeling slightly annoyed, cuz someone beat about the bush today & did not get to the point. i'm seriously annoyed at her for wasting my precious time. here i am, trying to be nice to you & you make a joke out of me. hmph.

anyway, the experience of a lifetime! how to deshank your pointe shoes! i burnt off a thousand calories just by deshanking a pointe shoe. so you can imagine how tough it is for me to do a pair! but luckily my dad did the other shoe haha! ^^

had special outings lately, but i simply forgot to blog about them so i'm damn too lazy to update on them. so i shall talk about haji lane the other day. went out with the usual two best buddies to haji lane. && we had moroccan cuisine! haha it was a lifetime of an experience because i can't really remember the shishah (however you spell it) along the lane. this time round the left side of haji lane's full of restaurants & cafes providing shishah & middle eastern cuisine. so we tried mosi cafe. it wasn't as bad as i imagined & it's certainly worth a try!

i'm trying again & this will be the last attempt!

pls buy cedar fiesta's tickets from me! they're $10 coupons whereby you can have a fun-filled afternoon of fun & games!

seriously i can't be bothered with helping in school raising funds, only because i'm helping my teacher.

supermassive black hole - muse

2009-01-23T14:12:00.003+08:00

i'm blogging so frequently. wth. i'm going out soon, so i'll make this quick.

supermassive black hole reminds me of syf'o9. cedar dance! :D love you to bits and pieces. laoshi's using an ipod and microphone - so tech savvy. she's even cooler than me now. waaayy cooler ~

i'll make 2 announcements:
chingay's coming soooon! :D quick get tickets to watch! it'll be fantabulous!

i'm actually doing the finale item again. (: because we're always getting the best, i won't settle for second best anymore. ): so if i ever get the opportunity to perform in chingay again, i won't agree unless i get to do the finale item. hah. spoilt brat.

cedar fiesta's falling on vday! :D come join us in the fun and games in a bid to raise funds for school!

i was never that enthusiastic about ~~school~~ ex-school matters. and performing on that day's a bitch. i don't even know how the fuck we're gonna raise funds just by performing. visiting cedar's been extremely fun. everyone's burying their noses into textbooks while we roam the school. haha not that we're doing that. we're actually burying our ~~noses~~ feet into dancing in the studio.

but anw,
get tickets from meeee!! :D
i'm not really selling, but i'll help anyone get tickets. nada. i'm a helpful and compassionate person.

pictures.

2009-01-23T00:03:00.002+08:00

haha found these stashed away in my yahoo email. my baby. (: that was salt, by the way. his siblings are pepper, sugar, butter and cheese. i used to have 32 hamsters wth.

i want these back. stupid teacher (named XXX). wow that felt liansxyz.

stark raving mad

2009-01-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

~~i'm going mad.~~

insomnia.

2009-01-20T02:22:00.002+08:00

something's keeping me awake - and i don't know what. maybe it's because i know i've gotta wake up damn early (not really - 8 o'clock) or maybe i'm excited about dinner with teamleaders tomorrow night. why should i? or maybe it's that little black dress. :D or even - maybe it's even that dream that i had last night - that queer dream.

anyway, i'm feeling rather blessed today. it's so rare.

i shan't upload pics from recent outings, since the internet's fucking slow and so is facebook. there are so many upload delays that i've long given up. oh i'm quite pleased that good friend's putting the same school as me for the first choice, so i'll have someone to accompany me in that foreign place. not that it's a 100% guarantee that i'll get in, but still. i'm still in such a dilemma that i wonder why i'm so fickle-minded.

that queer dream's haunting me. and there were parts of it that was hauntingly beautiful.
tell me fate exists.

this is really the end of cedar. i've come to the very end of the journey. bye school.

new year's eve and new year 2009! :D

2009-01-01T18:28:00.004+08:00

i'm surprisingly sober enough to blog, so i'm gonna do it before i'm knocked out again.

fireworks at marina bay! :D we watched at the ntuc building which is further away though. the long grass drove me nuts - and i keep imagining creepy crawlies up my body. anyway, played cards while waiting for that clock to strike 12 so that we can say goodbye to dearest 2008 and welcome the fearful 2009. honestly 2009 is such a huge leap for me i'm so afraid and excited at the same time. i loved 2008 it's been so dear to me it's one of the most extraordinary year (as well as 2007), learning for the very first time to work hard for that major exam. it's a little too late though, realising it now. i should have worked hard from the very, very beginning, but as liz lochhead put it, 'wonder when the choices got made/we don't remember making' - we've made our choices from the start and it's too late to turn back now, because you'll always wonder about the possibilities that would have come if you had taken the other road. i hope i'll not regret, because i should take 'the one less travelled by/And that has made all the difference.'

so back to the story! cabbed back to lynn's place and got booze, movies and cards all the way till 8am. it was fun - accompanying us were REC, scary movie 3, kahlua mixed with fresh milk, vodka with sprite and apple/orange juice, a game of taiti and lots of bridge! :D we were so taken by the booze we got knocked out after. trying to finish the large bottle of vodka (or maybe until half), we had booze as stakes - losers drink up the vodka mix. whoever pairs up with wenbin for bridge always loses, and i got paired with him for 4 times. we've won only one game together, but i've won about 3 games and lost 4. by 8am we decided to take a little nap until noon and had lunch. went home at around 4 plus.

alright, i'm nonsensically depicting everything. but it was fun and nostalgic, from the camwhoring to the primary school autograph book. anyway, enough crap. a few pics! rest up in facebook! :D

sick

2008-12-29T14:30:00.002+08:00

this is the 6th day i'm sick. ): but i'm getting a hell lot better though!

was watching this show 'come dance with me' or something like that, hosted by belinda, on friday. i've only watched this show a few times cos it's on friggin' friday nights and i used to have ballet classes. but on those several occasions that i do get to watch the show, she's always met up with mishaps. i would sigh every time she paused herself and took a rest. if i were the teacher i would be like 'what the fuck is this?' and 'are all singaporeans such losers in dance?' because honestly she sucked. wait till she does ballet. oh wait, she'll never be able to do it.

my relatives came down yesterday. makes me a hell lot ~~worse~~ better. right. my skin's flaking off btw. that's random, but yeah. i miss my salsa class. ):

watched 21 not long ago. it was a great movie! :D i'm even more convinced that it's very difficult to make it to ivy league, or even any of the great universities for that matter. and asians are friggin' smart. yay to asians.

merry christmas!

2008-12-26T12:37:00.001+08:00

a belated merry christmas everyone!

rahh. i'm sick. and in bed. )):

2008-12-22T00:02:00.001+08:00

i've changed my email. bloody fucking hotmail.

shoppinggg! :D

2008-12-20T01:25:00.003+08:00

sheesh there're only 24 days to Os results. yikes! i'm really worried.

have not been blogging for quite some time. spent like a hell lot this week. out shopping with shopping partner on wednesday (she spent a lot as usual) and movies with clique at cine today. watched twilight (which is seriously overrated. the book series likewise.) for the 2nd time (after watching it online). i've become like this coffee addict drinking starbucks and gloria jean's every other day. anyway i'm quite surprised mum's pretty cool about my spending. well that's the good thing about not going overseas - you get to spend more in singapore! :D and i'm like into online shopping these days it's worse.

i'm currently tied down by chingay schedule btw. but it's looking good! looks like chingay 2009 finale would be yummy like this year. ((: wanted to go shanghai or dubai or some other places but there are chingay practices every week! except probably next week, but it's really rather sad.

gotta find a ~~better~~ job.

class chalet

2008-12-12T16:11:00.006+08:00

i'm speechless. ~~i don't know how to begin.~~

things haven't been rosy lately for me. it's just plain weird, not enjoying my hols as much as i'm supposed to be. anyway, my life's not over for me - yet. when i'm going to receive my Os results, i guess it's time to face the music.

class chalet yesterday was kind of weird. met up with pinghui at noon to catch a movie, but we missed the 1.30pm time slot. so we went to have lunch and missed the 3.30pm time slot (but we're not really bothered about watching movie anymore) and walked about a little. we hung around coffee bean for a little while and were so bored that we took the kids' ferris wheel. it was so embarrassing, being the only passengers, let alone the only adults. it started to rain; we missed the shuttle bus to costa sands, so we had to walk in the rain (with pinghui's gay umbrella) to the chalet. there were only 3 of us - wenbin, pinghui and i even though it's getting late and people should be streaming in by now. we gave tutorials to pinghui but i guess i was so mean and ~~unhelpful~~ helpful because i usually win. even with my friends. -beams- but i guess i was kind-hearted enough to lend a helping hand. by the time everyone came in, i started getting quite sick. must be the coke. or the coffee. it was really bad, like i wanted to puke or something. started getting hiccups but finally went home at around 12.30am.

i'm feeling uneasy, and the uneasy thing is - i don't know why.

dance farewell 'o8

2008-12-02T23:21:00.005+08:00

oh my. had dance farewell today at aranda country club. it was the best farewell ever in my life - if there are any more to compare with. it's sort of a tradition to have a farewell every year, and i sort of broke tradition this year by turning up for it. i believe it'll be more exciting in my presence.

yeah i know - i came back rather early. i'm disappointed it had to end so early, and that we have to part ways now. heard about everything in dance, and i'm rather upset about things going on in dance - syf'o9's coming and laoshi's a little frustrated i heard. and serena didn't come today, and i sort of missed her (and our food trip at orchard). )):

the juniors had great presents for us and we had loads of fun playing games like wacko, taboo and this other game that's really fun which i don't know the name. sheesh i'll miss all the juniors because i actually have the BEST juniors i ever had. i used to hate being a junior when i was younger but i'm really glad i did. they did put in so much effort in this farewell chalet and it'll be etched in my heart forever and ever. they have like fuzzy wuzzy slippers, self-made cupcakes and strawberry-flavoured candles (with shells and names and glitter inside) and this board with all their love and notes. sigh. even the queen of sheba has its emotional side.

we had loads of fun actually just gossiping. we were practically gossip girls minus the sex part. i felt kinda sinful just listening to gossips.

i know i've not been a good senior and all, sometimes forgetting names and people. i haven't been exactly the friendliest person around, and i know i used to be intimidating intially to everyone especially when i don't smile. but it warms my heart to know that my presence is appreciated, and that everyone thinks i'm funny, warm and entertaining. well maybe dance is not my true calling. maybe i'm really good at theatre - who knows? but with these kind of people as my juniors, i won't want to be anything but a cedar dancer. the times we had together, aces day'o5, cny'o6, ndp'o6'o7, rhd'o7, 50th anniversary, acs barker performance, sentio, statschippac, induction, open house and last but not least, syf'o7, that gave cedar the very FIRST gold with honours in modern dance. the aesthetic studio had been a second home to me, and my family the cedar dancers.

so thank you dancers, and love you all! :D

-

2008-11-26T16:55:00.000+08:00

btw, my exam sucked.

post-Os withdrawal symptoms

2008-11-21T17:15:00.003+08:00

i'm missing gossip girl. i'm not watching it yet, because it's just not as good as before you know. i'm waiting to see if their relationship's rekindled before i watch. yeah i'm still keeping track of the progress of the show - i know what's going on, but i just don't like watching blair get hurt. ):

went out with usual clique on wed. had a picnic at east coast park but it was just so hot that we ended up leaving for changi airport. terminal 3's not as good as terminal 1 or 2, because you just can't watch the planes take off. we ended up playing bridge in front of the toilet.

i just started a facebook account not long ago. i'd long wanted one, but i wanted to wait until after Os. now it's just weird.

richard calmes is the best photographer ever.

Os are OVER

2008-11-15T18:36:00.003+08:00

Os are finally OVER! For fuck's sake.

can you actually believe it's finally over? no ma'am.

months and months of sleepless nights. and i'm finally free. i'm actually speechless.

singin' in the rain is LOVE. gene kelly's just way too hot i'll bet your g-spot's itching for an orgasm when you see his smile.

ballet exam's few days away! it's on monday and i'm sick with worry. i'm supposed to enjoy life right now, but i'm so afraid! i doubt i'll do well - there's just too much on my mind lately because of Os that i did not spare time for ballet. after Os and ballet exam i hope dancing will no longer be just a burden.

nauseating

2008-10-01T11:15:00.002+08:00

i've been quite furious with someone lately. have always disliked her, but yesterday i just felt nauseating thinking of her. and i'm probably to my limit already.

everyone knows that she's not very well-liked by her group of friends, yet she's either living in her deluded world, or prob just pretending not to notice. because i believe, not having any friends in school can be really, really scary. but then again, she's not supposed to have any real friends.

that's because she just have weird fantasies and desires, and it's just getting weirder and weirder each day. as i discover more secrets about her and her character, i realise she's really scary. i mean her mind must be like some gears, working and scheming and plotting everyday. she's probably a disgrace to human beings, or her type of human beings, because i believe that her type of human beings can be really normal. when i watched blogtv on cna yesterday, i immediately thought of her. i wouldn't disclose what topic they were discussing yesterday, or it'll be really obvious.

i can't believe i'm actually wasting my time writing this, but i need to get it all out. i can't wait to tell her i hate her to the core (which is prob molten from all that heat). i don't normally hate someone so much. sure, i laugh at people and make fun of them from time to time, but i don't hate someone to such an extent that i want her out of my life. everytime she spoke to me, or called me, or msged me or even looked at me, was a nightmare. from today onwards, it'll be a tragedy. i swear i'm gonna kill her if she ever does those things again. no wonder she hates weirdos. she's jealous that at least they're good-natured.

Bitch, stop freaking us out. stop acting childish or immature. because i have to confess, we hate you. and there were many times when we lied to you, just to get you off our backs. and i can't count the no. of times we actually bitched abt you, because it's like every single day. everytime we exchanged glances, because you just said something fucking stupid. i wish you will die as a virgin and continue to boil your voodoo potion in a cauldron in the middle of your fucking room for the rest of your life.

eloped.

2008-09-29T19:41:00.002+08:00

one day, haoyee asked, "how do you fall in love online?" i pondered for a long time, and came to a conclusion. since you can have cyber sex, why not? but i picture their virtual dates to be like this:

Girl aka Bunny laopo aka Pwincess aka (whatever that you have):
let's watch a movie!

Boy aka Bunny laogong aka Pwince aka (whatever that you have again):
Ok!

Girl aka Bunny laopo aka Pwincess aka (whatever that you have):
let's watch XXXX. you now go and search for it from youku.com/tudou.com/youtube.com then we watch together.

-after what seemed like ages

Boy aka Bunny laogong aka Pwince aka (whatever that you have again):
Got it. on the count of 3, we press the play button together.

Boy aka Bunny laogong aka Pwince aka (whatever that you have again) AND Girl aka Bunny laopo aka Pwincess aka (whatever that you have):
1...2...3...PRESS!

-they watched happily together.

Girl aka Bunny laopo aka Pwincess aka (whatever that you have):
Boy aka Bunny laogong aka Pwince aka (whatever that you have again), i feed you pop corn!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH...(makes orgasmic sounds) -pops popcorn into mouth- Nice anot?

Boy aka Bunny laogong aka Pwince aka (whatever that you have again):
yes! -grins happily-

(all the xxxxzzzz omitted to allow reader to read with ease)

that's what i imagine it to be like. i think they should type with all the xxxxyyyyzzz because they must be brainless to actually date online - just like those people who really type with the @#$#%$^$^$* that they have.

eloped with roslyn today to study! :D it was fun, because we totally bitched about someone. i realise you can totally derive pleasure from someone's humiliation. you laugh when someone's humiliated. and you are happy when you bitch about someone. it's graduation, baby! we can do whatever we want! :DDD

prelims are officially over! :D

2008-08-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

oh yay prelims are officially over! :D

things have changed so much, and even blogger has changed a bit, and i'm even unaware of it. how outdated. haha i haven't connected much with the world actually - it's been mostly mugging for me for these past one and a half month or so. man it's really exhausting. and it's not fun. i have to admit though that i started a bit too late - and i'm going to screw up my prelims. Again. ):

I don't want to let history repeat itself again, so i'm going to take the remaining 51 days i have left to work for the best. honestly, i've had enough time to reflect upon myself too. to think about it, why did i ever have the guts not to study at all for PSLE? and here i am, taking a cruise for the past 3 years and finally docking off at a random, isolated island. i've realised that i've taken the wrong cruise for the past 3 years, and this is not the position i want to be in right now. perhaps i should hike instead. though hard work, i would be getting to my destination already. instead, i have to trot on foot, all the way back to the starting point, and try to undo what's been done.

anyway, i'm still being updated of the olympics! :D i think we're really cool to win a silver medal after 48 years. i'm so happy i wanna cry. yay i'm a proud and patriotic singaporean! (: honestly i don't take for granted. really! i think even if i work abroad or live overseas or whatever, singapore's still the place i ever want to be in. it's still the best. after all, home is where the heart is. (: anyway, congratulations to singapore!! ^^ i wonder what's with all the fuss about foreign talent. it's not like migratory workers or something. we're not like importing a hoard of slaves or something. that was in the past - and oh wait, it didn't happen in singapore either. i mean they're alrdy singaporeans anyway. i don't think there's any reason to protest. and even if they ever leave singapore, they'll get their retribution for being disloyal. so why fret? it's not as if we, the 'real' singaporeans are really talented anyway. (and to think that there are so many singaporean 'immigrants' in other countries as well.)

you try to hit me just to hurt me so you'll leave me feeling dirty cos you can't understand.

ironic

2008-07-18T22:46:00.006+08:00

we learnt this song during lit/eng lesson. (:

and the ironic thing about this song is that nothing's ironic...don't you think?

oh and katee shean! she's my season four's fave! :D (i actually liked kelli baker too, but she was kicked out.)

Katee's auditions, 'no air' hip-hop, contemporary and bollywood are to DIE for. ((:

a STRAIGHT ticket to vegas! :D

time's gonna take my mind ~

but NOTHING can surpass this. this is genius.

Twilight

2008-06-25T22:35:00.002+08:00

This is PRICELESS! :DDD

Dancing - Elisa

2008-06-22T20:27:00.002+08:00

Fuck school.

i'm rooting for lacey for SYTYCD! but oh wells. it's season four already.

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim
my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone
silence would rock my tears'
cause it's all about love
and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon

june hols

2008-06-11T13:33:00.003+08:00

Today's my mum's bday! Happy Bday Mum! :D I wonder if we'll get to celebrate today!

I've officially done nothing this entire June hols. Congrats. ): I feel kind of guilty you know - Os are like 4 months away.

Look at the blister on my foot! I just bought new pointe shoes, so they're really stiff. Kind of didn't break in the shoes before going en pointe, so this is the results. Yuck ballet dancers have really ugly feet - I wonder how we can wear slippers and show off all that corns and blisters.

Oh I'm happy. I got both distinctions for both exams! :D I swear I'm damn happy.

~~Not so~~ studying.

Look! I discovered these while clearing out my old apartment!
Baby steps!

Went to Fish & Co. after Lit Seminar.

I have to say - LIT SEMINAR SUCKS! I'm not the only one who's feeling the same way alright. Most - all right, ALL - of my friends are pissed off that we attended the Lit Seminar, because 'they are just filled with all those smelly bengs' (quoted from ros) and people from like Ulu Sec or WTF Sec Schools. They possibly have no skills at all and are possibly going to fail their Lit. I wouldn't be so pissed off with them if the guys from another school behind us weren't talking bad about pupils from my school. One of my schoolmates went up to ask an inferential question about the symbolism of mockingbird - and they laughed at her. Shortly after, one of them asked a knowledge-based question which wouldn't even come out for Os. They think it's so fucking cool - wait till they flunk their Os. Then they'll realise the price they have to pay for acting cool.

school holidays!

2008-05-24T23:19:00.007+08:00

june holidays are here (and i've officially NOT done anything yet)!

BUT i promise i'm going to study hard and play hard at the same time (maybe playing a lil' more. after all, a leopard can't change its spots right?)!

with that said, i'm gonna take this opportunity to try and work hard this june hols, to achieve the lowest L1R5 for Os! i'm sure i can do it ~~or not~~! and thus, i've prepared myself.

with only Lady Godiva to accompany me.

went to the expo and T3 today! ate at earle swensen's for dinner! the pic look a bit icky because i forgot to take pics, only until halfway through the meal. nevertheless, it was delicious! and i forgot to take pic of dessert. the serving size is for two.

clams (or mussels.)!

i'm going to work as hard as my tablepartner is working!

or not?

we've just got the curtains done in our apartment that day. and it looks rather nice (and costly)!

from the outside! can't really see much, because there are two layers of curtains.

trying to create a gothic effect (not sure if it is used in photography other than in literature) to no avail (because it's daylight?). you know those eerie shows where the curtains are billowing and then the lady ghost just stands beside you? okay wild imagination.

anyway - CB action! totally got my heart beating fast! :D but that's it for this season. now i can only have more of them until after Os. NOT FAIR! and it's unfair and cruel (and typical) of the producers to come up with a cliffhanger. and i'm gonna see chuck crawl his way to blair and beg for forgiveness. HAH! that'll serve him (or any cheaters in this world) right for cheating on someone he LOVED so much (ever since they were two?). i was more furious with chuck than bart actually. and if i were lydia hearst, i would decline the role - because i will totally ruin the chemistry between them!!! ): -pouts- i've never been more pissed off in my life.

my shoes are dying on me. ):

and now, back to reality. i'm gonna go and - well, not study, unfortunately - party it off, because the hols are here! :D and when's better than this in welcoming the june hols?

and till then, you know you love me. (:

CHUCK AND BLAIR! (season 1 finale)

2008-05-20T16:52:00.003+08:00

i'm the crazy bitch around here.

WHAT THE FUCK I'M SO PISSED!

i'm feeling so conflicted,

and it's ABNORMAL.

i don't get so worked up for nothing.

it's just because...

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW ~

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

chuck!!!

2008-05-18T23:57:00.001+08:00

One thing I’ve learned is that in the face of true love you don’t just give up; even if the object of your affection is begging you to.

SQUEE!

carpe diem

2008-05-17T15:53:00.000+08:00

carpe fucking diem.

judgmental

2008-05-09T23:02:00.002+08:00

i do hope you don't judge me by my actions. please. don't be judgmental of me.

my life sucks my life sucks my life sucks my life sucks. now you know. all these while my life's just a LIE. i've made plans, which subject combi to take in jc, scholarships to apply for, universities to apply for. everything should not go wrong, because they CAN'T. i'm not allowed to make mistakes because i'm allowed to live life ONCE. i know. i'm just lying to everyone, and telling them i'm sure of what i want. it's true - i know what i want already. i'm very sure. but i HATE them. they're not my choices. life made them for me. i'm not allowed to change it. i'm different from everyone else. and my mum keeps telling me that it's not for me. she says that everything i do it's for my own, so i have to make my OWN decisions. like that's ever fucking possible. sometimes i feel so proud of my sister. she has her own goals. i know i talk about her a lot, because i love her and i'm protective of her. but then i feel sad for her, because my mum keeps asking her to get 9As by Sept to apply for scholarships this year. she has a selection of universities to go to (cause she's just so damn smart) but she has to work so hard, and sometimes it pains me to see her working her ass off. and it pains me to see myself working MY ass off, because i know i hate it, and i hate my choices. I HATE HAVING PLANS! I HATE HAVING TO STICK WITH THEM! SCHOOL'S NO LONGER FUN. DANCING'S NO LONGER FUN. whatever i do, my parents ask me to strive for it. it's made me a lot more bitchy, and it's made me a lot more conflicted and emotional. my mum keeps telling me it's not for HER. when actually all i do is for her. she doesn't know, because i can't tell. i know i will be the ONLY ONE benefitting from it, but i just hate it when i have to work TWICE as hard as people, just to get half of what they have. WHY IS IT PEOPLE HAVE EVERYTHING HANDED TO THEM IN A FUCKING SILVER PLATTER? nothing's fair. nobody's fair. and when my mum tells me today that my dad's already biased against me, it makes me sad. because it suddenly struck me that not everyone in the family loves me that much. and i'll always be overshadowed by my sister. because to everyone, TO EVERYONE WHO IS JUDGMENTAL OUT THERE, they think that a good school means everything. unfortunately, yes it is. it is the ticket to the elite society, it is the door to opening all the possiblities. it pains me to know that even my family feels that way. if i can't rely on my own family, who can i turn to?

Fragile

2008-05-07T00:53:00.002+08:00

Fragile
Delta Goodrem

Six thoughts at once I can't focus on one
Seven days a week but my life has just begun
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

Sometimes I feel like I'm alone
Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong
Sometimes I feel so frail so small
Sometimes I feel vulnerable
Sometimes I feel a little fragile
A little fragile

In six thousand years what will this mean
Words from the heart or a melody
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome
As I'm falling down I come undone

If people can see right through my eyes
Like an open door that I can't disguise
I won't be afraid from the tears I cry
I'll not run I'll not hide this is how I feel inside
A little fragile
A little fragile

it's funny how we often relate these songs to inflicting pain on ourselves. why not vent your frustrations by dancing instead? you're only given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. take it while you can.

i realised that we're not really whole to begin with. we're all broken. broken into pieces. desperation gets reaction. i'm sure we'll be whole again.

i love it when blair kicks ass! :D i'm still anticipating for more blair and chuck action.

exams are officially over! :D and all i could rmb now about crappy lit is that the 'most important lessons are of sympathy and understanding' and 'a sympathetic, understanding approach is the best way to teach these lessons'. that's not a quote. but that's one thing i've learnt about education. and the only quotes i can rmb is that 'you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view...until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.', ''t's morbid, watching a poor devil on trial for his life' and 'it's a sin to kill a mockingbird'. whoopeedoos! that's what i love about lit. you can crap your way through, but one requires a profound understanding of the text in order to detect the underlying meaning beneath the text. okay acting smart.

anyway, happy 18th birthday, sister! and happy belated bday to W and D too (you know you love me)! wow. now i'm typing like that. did crazy shopping today! :D whoopeedoos i'm so crazily excited today. i'm like a caged bird free, but nope, none of the ecstasy's getting to me. i'm not in the mood to study right now, but i'm not in the mood to celebrate either. it's weird. but i watched sabrina just now. pure ecstasy.

L'Estasi Dell'oro

2008-05-05T01:39:00.005+08:00

L'Estasi Dell'oro (Bandini Remix)
by Ennio Morricone (High Society - Lust)

took me ages to download the full version of this song. well it's not for me. it's for my sis. well, then happy bday sis! this is your bday gift! haha alright i'm mean.

i've shamelessly slacked for two consecutive days, without doing much, other than picking at mining for meaning and flipping to the first few pages.

Des Années - rjc dance night. it was awesome, my sister was awesome! :D oh yay i'm so proud of her. they were so much better than us, even though there was this piece in which they did similar routine to ours, merely because it was choreographed by laoshi. but they were so good! and UCC just brought me back wonderful memories.

cedar dance. it's just not going to be the same without you. like i've mentioned before, cedar dance is one of my many choices. sometimes there were regrets - but i wouldn't be the same without it. because of my choice, i've learnt to appreciate dance so much more. because of it, i've actually took dance seriously.

i realised these commitments to many performances have become like a habit to me. i bitch and complain when i have too many commitments, but when they're gone i complain that i'm bored. but all these people, have brought me so much joy and laughter, and they will always be etched in my memory. the fun times that we had. the love that we share.

leaving cedar dance is a relief and a disappointment at the same time. i'm glad that i can concentrate on Os now without any commitments, but i'm disappointed, knowing that i could do better during my days in dance. i could have worked harder.

SYF - 7 months for that 7 minutes. it was hard work. it was sweat, tears, and definetely blood shed. i remembered the times spent in the mph, the air-con, and sometimes the lack of it.
how we gasped for air after every 7 min.
how tired we've become.
how we fell and injured ourselves.
how we waited for band to stop playing so that we can cont our dance.
how we spent our days arguing with auntie who had to close the doors exactly at 7pm.
how she always had to chase us out.
how we had to change outside.
how we spent our self practices listening to the music and exclaiming how we felt about the music.
how we closed our eyes and feel the music.
how we were punished by doing modern dance run around the school.
how we did modern dance run every warm up.
how we so dread the lectures and 'bonding' sessions.
how we tried different locations when the mph is used.
how we cut our cloths and how we had to tie them up every day of the week.
how we stayed till 7pm everyday and how i couldn't catch up with my work, especially amath and how i cried everyday during amath.
how we were so emotional.
how laoshi had to leave, and we had to plead her to stay.
how i hated dance at that moment.
how i was so tired i couldn't speak at the end of every practice.
how 7 teachers came to watch us a few days before our performance, and claim that we did not have any emotions.
how we knew for sure that we would disappoint our school again and fail to achieve that coveted gold.
how the teachers thought we couldn't do it.
how we didn't have faith in ourselves, because it was messy, un-synchronised, un-emotional and perfectly void of any beauty, despite laoshi's amazing choreography.
and when laoshi told us that when she looked up to see our smiles during SYF, she knew it would be okay.
how we knew that it was our best effort.
how bra straps were always a nuisance for us and we had to use foundation over it.
how my bday was damn screwed.
how UCC was so stingy and gave us exactly 1 hr of rehearsal.
how i cried my eyes out that day.
how we came early on wed 25 april to put on our makeup.
how we got our gold with honours.
how we were so proud of ourselves that we screamed and cried, and ran around the school exclaiming.
how we performed for ndp.
how we were so proud of ourselves.

dance. my motivation.

mye

2008-05-02T22:31:00.005+08:00

MYE's are unofficially over! :D

i'm still left with lit, which is basically just crap. i'm freaking proud of myself - i've been up late into the night for these past two weeks just to study! that - is an accomplishment.

i'm so glad gossip girl's back! it's like there's something to look forward to, and it keeps me on track. (: and now i'm finally able to watch it stress-free.

my sister's performing at UCC tonight for rjc dance concert, and tmr. it's her last dance concert. so thanks for all those who are going to watch tmr! :D

i'm like moving in to my new house soon. spent a couple of days at my house, doing a bit of revision for mye. it's really cold, but that's because of the a/c. well at least it's bright and white and really - nice.

been feeling really conflicted lately. maybe it's due to stress and all, i'd give up anything just to be anyone else but be me. ~~it's slowly killing me, though i find it hard to admit.~~ i keep thinking back to the past. and the longing in the pit of my stomach. it laid there, abandoned and neglected. and nowadays it's just getting stronger and stronger.

school's been a bitch. like literally. it's just like gossip girl itself, with the materialism and backstabbing. everyone's judgmental of one another and all that rumor and bitching. there are so many things i wanna talk about, but it's just stuck in my mind, reluctant to leave me, and holding on to my thoughts precariously - like a bomb about to explode. sometimes, when days pass, i'm just learning more on how to see beneath one's facade.

i didn't like this particular song initially. until i decided to download the song. it's getting stuck in my head, not because it's annoying. i really love it.

Hands on me

Vanessa Carlton

I first saw you at the video exchange

I know my heart and it will never change

This temp work would be alright if you'd call me

You'd call me

I lay awake at night for you

And I pray

We'd cross the deepest oceans

Cargo across the sea

And if you don't believe me

Just put your hands on me

And all the constellations

Shine down for us to see

And if you don't believe me

Just put your hands on me

The subway radiates with heat

We've barely met and still I cross the street to your door

We'd cross the deepest oceans

Cargo across the sea

And if you don't believe me

Just put your hands on me

And all the constellations

Shine down for us to see

And if you don't believe me

Just put your hands on me

Someday when our stories are told

They'll tell of a love like this

When our descendents are all growing old

1,000 years they'll be singing

Nah-nah, nah-nah, nah, nah, nah

We'll climb Tibetan mountains

Where we can barely breathe

I'll see the Dalai Lama

I'll feel him blessing me

And all the constellations

Shine down for us to see

And if you don't believe me

Just put your hands on me

Your hands on me...

First saw you at the video exchange

frankly speaking, vanessa carlton's not very pretty, but she's talented enough. and her song "nolita fairytale" is another one of my favourite.

i'm feeling conflicted, mainly because of how things turned out to be this way. rocky relationships with some of my friends have caused me to ponder over things. and i realised, it's not really we just lost interest in one another, it's the differences between us, which is intangible. all of a sudden when you look back, you realise that you don't remember the choices being made and when they are made. you just realise that there's a path ahead of you and you have no choice, but to move on ahead, away from your friends. we are just people. we aren't identical, therefore our choices are different. i believe at the beginning, we're always given a few choices to choose from. but unknowingly, we've made the decision ourselves. and even if some of us have drifted apart from one another, i believe a part of us remains the same. and besides, passion and longing for someone or something can never die. it's just there. it can be renewed again, or it may be stagnant for a long time. but it'll always be there.

and it occured to me that even when i was young, even in primary school, some of my friends have already been manipulative bitches. and even till today, which scares me, their longing have not died.

there are so many things to do over the weekend. confessions to make, letters to write, apologies to make and gifts to buy. and all because, everyone's birthday are just coming all at once.

gossip girl returns!

2008-04-21T17:50:00.003+08:00

i'm excited. and i know you are too. (:

the blair bitch project has finally begun! :D

happy bday to me!

2008-04-18T22:32:00.005+08:00

happy bday to me! :D

whoopeedoos i'm so proud of myself! (: I'm officially sixteen! you know, it started out just another ordinary day. i was feeling kind of down, since nothing extraordinary will come out of it, and i expected people to forget about it. but it really warmed my heart, seeing so many people putting in effort for my bday. i'm so sorry that i am always indifferent to your bdays, yet some of you've put in so much effort on my bday. :D it made me realise that true friends do exist.

and i do want to mention a particular few - and pardon me if i miss out on anyone, but there's been a lot of thankyous today, so i'll just mention some important ones.

to my blog: happy fourth bday! with a total of 507 posts, you're kind of four years old already. not exactly on my bday, and not exactly my first blog (since i keep changing url) - but i've been blogging for 4 years already. sigh now i do feel old. ):

to denise, wenlyn, olivia, michelle and rongqi: thank you for the presents! thank you for part one, part two, part three andand part four! :D thanks for making this the most memorable bday ever, and i'm so touched by the effort that you guys have put in, especially denise and wenlyn - in making such perfect gifts for me - and in remembering my likes and dislikes, and gifts that i've briefly mentioned about. (: i really do appreciate the friendship and the joy that you've brought me, and i'll always strive harder to be a better friend.

to lorraine, madeline and roslyn: thank you threesome! i don't know whose idea it was, but i was so touched by the surprise you gave me this morning! :D and thank you for 'brightening' up my life! it gave me a jolt on the heart (literally), realising that you guys care! and roslyn, my sis told me that there are two meanings to "high 'n' dry". one is to leave someone in a difficult situation, and another is a pangseh-ed pregnant woman. which one do you mean? (:

to rachel: thank you so much for being supportive of me throughout these one and one third year. (: and thank you for always putting in effort on my bday (likewise last year) and thinking of me. you're one of the people in class that i'll love, OCD and all.

to nandini: because you know we have things in common. (:

to sec 3 and 4 dancers (and some juniors!): three words. I LOVE YOU! thanks for celebrating my bday with me today, and nura, who wished me happy bday in advance (like 2 days ago?)!! :D

(:

my bday's extremely different from last year. last year's was disastrous. i mean, i received tons of presents, so that was good - but remember SYF rehearsal? and cheer prac? (and i thought you would be there.) anyway, my bday's NOT over yet. you can still wish me until 1.30pm tmr? because that's the time i was born today. so you'd better commemorate today - someone GREAT is actually born today!

today's been a happy day so far, but ballet was crap. we trained up on technique today - and you know that's what i suck at.

ballet exam

2008-04-17T21:07:00.005+08:00

whoa. many things have happened during the week.

two bats landed on the speakers in the morning on monday or wednesday. i couldn't resist taking a pic! we were the instant celebrities! :D many people came to watch the bats! we've missed the opportunity to earn money. shit.

ballet exam. i think i screwed it up. ): i'm just really nervous you know. and it makes me cry knowing that i've put in tons and tons of effort and it'll go to waste if i screwed up this time round. but nevertheless, it's OVER. i simply can't believe i've finished grade 8. all these years of learning! i've been taking ballet for...12 to 13 years? sheesh. and i'm really excited about vocational exams. it should be like CSTD.

and it was chaotic after the examiner left. CAMWHORE! we were the last group of the last day - yan ee and me. (: admittedly pulling my hair up into a ballet bun's one of the most unglam moments of my life. thus i refuse to show my face, cos it looks damn fucked up.

and swensens afterwards! elvina, chen min, belinda and meiying waited for us so that they could help out with the opening of doors and such - and take pics with the examiner! meiying dropped us off and we headed off to swensens, amidst all the staring. since it was student meal, we ordered the most expensive ones we can find (okay maybe only some of us) and dessert afterwards! yan ee behaved like some anorexic dancer. she asked if the side order could be changed from fries to something healthier, and iced water instead of soft drinks. it was really fun!

and swensens again for lunch today!

reading today! had oral reading yesterday. i just really want to do well - although it doesn't really matter. i know i have the potential to do it. and i want to see improvement this year.
my mum picked me up from ballet exam last friday. something in this picture just looks reassuring. blueberry waffles! :D

laoshi!

2008-04-13T22:44:00.002+08:00

NO.

CEDAR MODERN DANCE CLUB will REMAIN. how can we become some stupid hip-hop dance club?! and where is the cedar dance spirit? it'll anger me if anyone's gonna be happy about laoshi being replaced by an ex-cedarian, even if SHE'S CLAIRE, EVEN IF SHE'S SINGAPORE'S TOP MODEL, EVEN IF SHE'S A DEAL OR NO DEAL GIRL. some of them just can't think. i've been emotionally attached to laoshi even before my sec 2 year ends. and laoshi has been nothing but kind to us!

i'm not being unhappy that an ex-cedarian's teaching us. i mean it's good, i think she's pretty and all and maybe i'll cheer and yell. but i'm just angry that some people are happy that laoshi's replaced. it saddens me. modern contemporary will always be tons and tons better than hiphop. well apparently that's just some of our opinion. some people don't think it that way. just giving some of them a reality check. they are not as good as they think they are.

sports' day. i didn't get to goooo. ): but i'll be cheering for everyone from the bottom of my heart! :D

ballet exam. i just don't have a good feeling about it. i mean she was pretty nice and all, but she kept looking at our feet. and she didn't look at me when i sustained my turn. when she looked at me, i've already like fallen off. i'm really nervous about it and my friend was telling me i was shaking. hope it's not obvious. =/

on a happier note, my bday's coming soooon! :DD

videos.

2008-04-11T16:17:00.001+08:00

http://video.xanga.com/firefly_f/266e1652691/video.html?rewrite=true#filmstriptitle
http://video.xanga.com/firefly_f/cd923652694/video.html?rewrite=true#filmstriptitle

watch this! :D

pictures

2008-04-10T20:24:00.004+08:00

i feel extremely numb today. my brain cells are like dying at the speed of lightning. if they were calories i would be one of those stick-thin anorexic models i have so often envied (mrs RW's freakishly HOT back then). yeah it's mostly to do with the geog and emath test (my mind's like a total blank), but i'm feeling so conflicted. it's supposed to be a give and take situation, but i'm like giving and not receiving anything in return. and you know i only like to take. things just kept replaying in my mind over and over again, like a broken tape. they are memories of last year, and very unforgettable memories - especially during the SYF period, and my bday - and two groups of people sang me a bday song and erupted into cheers. and i'm crying underneath everything. and i suspect that - well actually i don't feel like saying it. it's kind of emotional. it's just the 'mean reds'.

i realised skipping meals just doesn't help. i gained 0.2 kg since last term - which obviously had opposite effect. people keep telling me it doesn't matter (perhaps you just want to see me gain weight so that you'll remain thinner as compared to me. haha.) but it matters. because it matters. you don't know how hard it is when you're around people who are ten times lighter and thinner than you all the time. and you don't know how paranoid you get because you're afraid your teacher will pick at you because you're fat. you don't know how hard it is for me to further pursue dance if i continue to gain weight.

was thinking of what could have happened if i had turned to you during my darkest period. surprisingly, the first person i thought of when i was down, was you. i thought of telling you how devastated i was, how much i wanted to pull my hair out and thrash around, kicking up a huge fuss and just clawing at myself till my tear glands are dried up. last year was the worst bday of my life. i know i'm not good in coping with stress, so much that i've become so vulnerable. and i thought of you. because i knew you'd understand. it was the first time i've ever had to pretend to be happy, hiding all the sobs in my throat. but it's hard to cover up - because it's uncontrollable.

someone told me i'm hard to figure out - and i thought i was emotional enough for you to see, like look i'm freaking pissed, and yay i'm happy. but yeah people do tell me i'm scary when i'm mad. so don't cross me! but i guess it's because of my frequent moodswings. i can't control my facial expressions. and it's my nerves. i get irritated at the slightest thing. i suppose i've changed over the years, so that people find me different, whether in a postive or negative way - but i suppose everyone does. it's just a phase.

i don't know why - but recent events made me feel that i've been a lousy person. i'm like really unbearable, aren't i? i'm like obnoxious and self-centered - and like things my way. i don't like to show my vulnerable side - but you know i'll come out at the top in the end. ~~and i've been really mean and manipulative sometimes.~~ but sometimes people are just so gullible. they don't seem to know that some things were done on purpose and not unintentionally.

sports' day come and go. been there, done that. well like i've mentioned before, i'll not be going, so don't miss me. nada! that's one thing i'm kinda conflicted about. i'm kinda triumphant that i get to miss sports' day, but yet i was pissed that this was my last year, seniors are coming back, and i don't get to take part in cheerleading. well what's mine, will never be mine. you know what i'm talking about - do you think i haven't thought of it before?

i wanted to talk to you, but hello awkwardness?!

wanted to show pics today, but i am feeling so emo now that pictures can't really describe what i'm thinking. not that i can drag out any bombastic words from my limited vocabulary.

redox.

2008-04-07T21:27:00.006+08:00

i'm like supposed to study for the chem test tmr - but whatever. who cares?

stupid svetlana zakharova. totally love to hate her. (jealousy.jealousy.jealousy.)

tanya howard. 3-tree-24. Joyce! :D

BADASS! and custom-made jackets! people would actually think i love my school so much. was randomly taking pics while waiting for my ~~carriage~~ car to arrive. sometimes i wondered if i lived to eat.

i'm so fickle-minded! but i've decided that svetlana zakharova, sylvie guillem and ethan stiefel are my all time fave ballet dancers, while i like devon teuscher, kristin sloan and tiffany mosher's pretty faces. svetlana's flexibility's to die for! and people i adore will be holly golightly (partly to do with audrey hepburn, because she's such a kind sweetheart.) - because of the makeup and fashion in breakfast at tiffany's, and for exclaiming the MEAN REDS, caroline trentini, natalia vodianova, gemma ward and camilla belle. oh and angelina jolie, tattoos and all. there are others that i've yet to mention, but these are the really significant ones.

since my bday's coming, i'll be asking ard for people to buy me presents! yup i'm shameless - now then you know. i've always wanted that canvas painting of audrey hepburn at ikea, but one frugal way is to print a pic of that 90x90 and frame it up. it'll be less than half of that $129 painting, no? not to forget, the collection of audrey hepburn's most notable works - including breakfast at tiffany's, roman holiday, charade etc. although i've watched them -yawns- it feels good to keep it in a nice box! enough of hepburn! :D she's not all that, you know - i only like her because she's one tough beauty.

i've suddenly had this desire to get that dress, especially after i bought my long cardigan last week or so? and a light pink shade of creamy lipstick, preferably MAC. maybe it's because of stress, everything's getting on my nerves and all - i've had all the weird cravings for weird things. i need new black pumps! my old one's like getting worn off. and the heels hit my nerves, whatever the fuck that means. i fucking need a goddamn new purse! DK's supposed to sell nice ones, but they're like running out of brain juices for new ideas. hello creativity?

amadea promised to buy me condoms. so where are the boxes of condoms? haha! :D and i need a pair of new pointe shoes, before mine gets really soft! and new leotard! and new soft shoes! speaking of which, i've been thinking of going for summer school. but it's from 26-30 may, where we have extended curriculum. nevertheless, very tempting.

so now, all the items that i want have been 'highlighted', to allow you to see clearer. now that's not too hard to pick, no? you have one whole array of choices to choose from! just take your pick, and hand it over to me next friday, 18 april 2008, which is the Queen's bday! hallelujah! like whoopeedoo! i declare it a public holiday! :D

i'm skipping sports' day for ballet exam this week, in case you haven't heard, which i'm afraid, you're really backward, and possibly because you're a nobody. like wth. when i first heard that my ballet exam has fallen on sports' day, i was like congratu-fucking-lations to me! what the fuck have i done to land myself in such a situation? but well, there you go. if my ballet exam hasn't fallen on sports' day, then things would have been different. like really different for some people. ~~and i don't have to get fucked up and angry with you, and won't have to resort to throwing my heels at you.~~ oh yeah, you're on one of my wishlist actually. to see you going down.

in case you don't know, i've noticed. i just don't know how to face you. see, i've got a vulnerable side. but i'm only putting up a front. yet you don't seem to know, and i thought you knew me best. it sucks - i'm only going to acknowledge your presence on this day? and i know you hate to hear this, but that's Fucked up.

NAPFA

2008-04-03T20:43:00.005+08:00

today's my last dance prac of the year! :D and thankfully laoshi came today! i'm kinda sad, but at the same time, there's like nobody going for dance today? so our stepping down's kinda unofficial. ): i've pictured it to be a great moment, with loads of speech and tears. though there were crying and such, the mood's definetely not there. must be the lack of people - and kor woong! it's just not the same without her and her video-taking phone. she's so sick frequently that haoyee and i are like taking bets if she's gonna come school on which days and so and so. but we're both betting she won't come to school. haha how mean. but get well soon darling! so that we'll catch up soooon ANDAND eat pizza during laoshi's farewell! :D

had napfa on tuesday. it wasn't too bad, but i could definetely do better for sit&reach and standing broad jump. i just wasn't trying. but old mr chan was nice, he asked me if i wanted to another round, but i was kinda lazy to do it. i can like do 17 inclined pull ups to get A, but i wonder why in the world ms leong asked me to do 20. now for my 2.4 run. i just hope i do relatively well, but i'm still hoping that i can change the date, because i won't want muscle aches on ballet day, no? it's such an impt day for me as you should have known by now, that this year's extremely impt for me, because i'm juggling with 3 ballet classes. after this exam, i'll officially be a professional advanced student! :D haha. i remembered i was so tied down with school and cca and ballet and chingay in the first term. but now it's hopefully getting better. but alas, mid-year's coming.

wow i didn't eat much for recess and didn't eat for lunch today - and dance was so exhausting today. it's the first time that i'm working out so much. in the end i got stupid headaches. but it was worth it! laoshi said i improved. but it doesn't matter anymore. cedar dance's ended for me. i'm officially no longer part of cedar dance. i'm just an oldie. haha like the sound of it. i was so fucking pissed off when nobody was here like right after school. everyone had amath remedial, and nura didn't know, so she didn't come. well i'm annoyed.

anyway videos! and pictures!

this is supposed to be imitating someone who's from orchestra or strings ensemble or band - something like that. when we were doing this, there was this guy who thought we were nuts and stood there watching us. and if looks could kill, i would have been dead by now!

i don't know if you can see. but i can see all the dead skin cells. and dried up blisters. yuck.

looks wrong, but haha this is the heel of my foot. gross i know.

my calves look surprisingly huge here.

and my swollen feet. there's a prominent mark there.

the vast empty space of dance studio. i actually wanted to put up another pic of my discoloured toes. but nah i shan't gross anyone out further. but who knows? someone perverse may like it. because as dancers, we're not allowed to paint our toenails (though i don't know why) but now that i'm out of dance, i'm allowed to paint them in pink, blue, white and yellow! oh wait, that's the ballet colours - orange, purple and white! :D

giselle in the park v1.

2008-03-28T17:29:00.004+08:00

WTF?! everyone's like backing out of cip for giselle in the park. it certainly annoys me. i wanted to do it, but i've got like stupid ballet class. i would have missed it for cip - but we're continuing a new dance choreography - and you know how i hate to lose out. i don't wanna fucking learn from anyone, because then it'll be inaccurate, hence i won't be the smartass of the class. okay how bitchy is that.

it seriously annoys me that everyone in cedar's like practically going to giselle in the park. like hello? it's no longer exclusive anymore? i thought it's only for the special, privileged, truly artistic, and aristocratic people? who ever knew that common people can watch giselle in the park? haha i'm not being mean. i'm just annoyed that stupid people think it's some kind of concert, when all you do is let down your hair and picnic? trust me. i'm right. i'm not targeting at most of the innocent people who just wanna get to know more about dance, i'm targeting at those wannabes who pretend like they're appreciative of this kind of dance. trust me. i'm right! there's no fucking dress code!
i've been watching ballet under the stars even before you learn how to write your stupid compo at pri 1! it's like an annual ritual for me you know. so if people go commenting on their virgin experience having a picnic at fort canning, and think it's so fucking cool, then FUCKING think again. don't go around pretending you have an active night life when all you do is sit in front of your computer and masturbate.

ballet today was kind of tiring. pointe work wasn't so long, but i need to work on my stamina, because we had this ultra long dance that's so freakishly tiring. i have the video, but i wonder if it's appropriate to upload it up. it's like half of it, so maybe i'll upload it up when i have the whole thing. and teacher showed us the concert photos! :D i think i'm getting rather eccentric these days. must be the pressure of studying getting into my head. anyway, i shall upload some pics of my feet next time - it's really rough and patchy due to dance. just to show you that dancing is not as beautiful as it seems to be - in fact ballet dancers have the ugliest feet ever. it's totally distorted, but i'm not in that stage yet (thank god).

and till then, bye.

oh yeah - i found out like a few weeks ago - centre stage 2's coming back! :D (with ethan stiefel, my fave male dancer of all times!)

dance.

2008-03-27T20:42:00.006+08:00

on the way home yesterday, when i decided to capture pictures of an ordinary life in a bus.

and of school. they're really camera shy! (or prob just guilty of eating in class)

and dance.

the effortlessly sexy one. yet again. (libing's pro too)she's unbelievably flexible.
reeling in pain. self-entertaining. (:
to hide my thunder thighs.

photos! :D new skirt

2008-03-26T17:54:00.006+08:00

i promised myself i will study, which i didnt. all i did was finish my homework of the day, and speaking of which, i've not finished my bio homework, and unseen prose. ANDAND i've lost all my sec 3 SPA ws, and i don't know how to tell her tmr during bio. ): -pouts- i'm in deep shit.

anyway, sis had to pick up her buddy (who's staying in leonie hill) yesterday to school, so we set out rather early. i reached school at 6.25am! how awfully exciting! :D so i took some pics at the foyer, because it's eerily dark and crappy.

i promise you the photos are unedited, so that you can see how dark it is!

and pictures of my class noticeboard. what a genius!

i needed a new skirt, since my long skirt was stained with some yellow shitty stuff. amadea decided to sell me her skirt, which is un-altered. thank you darling. (: wore it during recess and got really laughed at. i like it so much! it's like a HUGE tent! if i cover it over my boobs, it's still longer than my shorter skirt! :D haha!

does it remind you of a certain someone? i understand that it's extremely painful to watch, so now i'm giving you something for the sore eyes. maybe it'll help relieve your pain. decided that if i collect too many photos of me in that tent-like skirt, i shall have more of me in my normal uniform. sigh it's this kind of skirts that make cedarian's uniform really nice. (:

i'm having reflective essay and tkam essay tmr - consecutively. how annoying. and i'm sure gonna fail it, because i have no idea what reflective essay's about, despite a couple of lessons on reflective essays. and i didn't bring tkam home, so i'm struggling to recall the key themes now. ): boohoohoos. and to think that mye's like 5 weeks away?

when i had to make the decision, i was like "queen bee's dethroned." yikes. i can like totally relate to blair. seriously. in so many ways. except i don't have sidekicks, or serena van der woodsen, or wealth, or beauty, or nate archibald.

sometimes, you just can't move on from the past. it's your past. not someone else's. it'll always be a part of you. so i don't forget what has happened in the past so easily. in fact, i think about it so much - like the should haves and should bes. what went wrong between us, it's not all in the past. it's evident between us, even till today. even right now, at this moment - i'm looking at you, but you're looking past me. i'm coming out strong, i'm changed. without you i'm able to live life perfectly well, because i've never opened my heart out to you. (or to anyone) remember this, i'll always remain at the top, because that's where i'm supposed to be.

i don't forgive and forget so easily. so you can tell i'm still angry. that you've betrayed my trust. that's what i've been up to recently, getting pissed off with you. yeah i'm brooding over it, and i remembered telling you, revenge is bittersweet. cross me and you'll get hell. this is just the beginning - it's just a taste of the starters. the main course has yet to come. told you you're going down.

just for laughs!

2008-03-24T20:50:00.003+08:00

btw, just for laughs!

watch the last part! it's priceless! :D

pictures!

2008-03-24T20:24:00.006+08:00

i know i'm not supposed to be doing this, but i get a little frustrated every time i try to concentrate on doing my homework/studying (which i haven't done much and mye's like 4-5 weeks away!) and have sudden, weird cravings for certain foods. and i've owed the Mar holiday Chinese homework for a week already, and I've barely started. Oh great. Adding to that, I haven't done a Chinese essay on why stupid singaporeans did not welcome the table-tennis players after winning a fucking competition from overseas. i totally blanked out. what am i supposed to talk about? that singaporeans don't give a fucking damn just cause we're all too self-centered and vain to bother with the pride and glory of singapore? haha which actually includes me. but the point is, i don't even know that there was such a competition. what's the media doing these days? haha i'm pushing the blame now.

i spent my wonderful good friday at changi airport, receiving my sister's buddy from germany. she hosted my sister when she went for an immersion programme for a month when she was sec 3. and here are the beautiful orchids!

i love tourists. every time i see them i feel so proud of singapore and really hope that they'll enjoy their stay in singapore and not be put off by some issues (such as the stupid on again, off again rain?). because singapore is really such a great country, we have nothing to complain about anymore. really. well people just love to fuss over little issues that don't matter at all, as compared to less developed countries like ethiopia and zimbabwe. and with such a great govt, peace and prosperity ain't common in some other countries. so we shall be thankful for what we have.

as i've mentioned earlier, i've had sudden cravings for food. which shows that studying isn't that good for the health. hence i'll fail my upcoming napfa, and gain weight for ballet exam, thus losing points. overall, we shouldn't study. anyway, i had a sudden craving for parfait. and i've made a lovely parfait (even though i'm supposed to save it for breakfast) out of my really fave foods! strawberry yoghurt, cereals and bananas! :D

a picture close-up of the succulent, juicy bananas, crispy cereals, and slimy yoghurt! haha!during reading, i took some pictures of my 'beautiful' classroom.

minus aishwarya's hair, which dominated half the picture here.

you're full of rubbish! haha! :D

and during organic chem,

ethene plus bromine gas!

and the last picture was propene. (:

.

2008-03-20T19:02:00.004+08:00

i've got quite a lot of things to say, but i somehow forgot, because there's just too much to say.

i'm supposed to be really tied down, because i'm supposed to study for mye. but apparently i haven't started, and there are loads to learn. i'm sick. desperately sick. like literally sick. i'm down with cold, fever, muscle ache - you name it. and i'm sick of studying. and i'm sick of being without my fave chicken soup of the week - my tv show. i don't suppose i'll start studying during this lovely weekend either, and even more so when my sister's host buddy's coming to singapore from germany with her boyfriend. oh yay good food! i shall kowtow to all the seniors who have aced their Os, and some presumably As - because it's loads and loads of hard work. (:

my sister was telling me about her teacher's trip to pompeii, this city in europe, when we did a comprehension on pompeii today. i was kinda surprised that it was that famous. i thought it was rather exclusive as it's a national heritage site. apparently there are human 'statues' in pompeii, and some on exhibition. it's really frightening to know that they were real, living people more than 2000 years ago. imagine being trapped in that cast of hot ash. you can't even react. they can't even move. the hot ash just killed them right on the spot, and the mask of terror is reflected on their face. on some statues you can even see their expressions. and one little boy was praying. sigh.

and here is a video of - penelope singing edelweiss! no doubt! her singing may be soft here, so you might have to increase your volume to the max. she's so enjoyable, isn't she? her singing just enraptured us it almost made me cry! yes seriously! no joke! and to prove to you - i was even singing it during bio remedial! it just got stuck in my head throughout the rest of my day. :D she rocks, doesn't she? (: and she gave me the knowledge that edelweiss is not just another song - it's about purity and snow. hmm - how logical. (:

and here's one of laoshi's 'farewell' party. we (but certainly NOT me) thought that laoshi's leaving us on that monday. hence, we specially prepared a bouquet of flowers, a card and a cake for her - to celebrate, i mean, mourn for her farewell. however, it wasn't only until later on that we realised that she wasn't leaving until april! i was slightly disappointed. not because she wasn't leaving, but i thought i could take a break from dance already. sigh i've been in cedar dance for 3 years and more. time flies ~ and i certainly planned to skip dance practices after she leaves us, so that i can concentrate on my studies now. but why waste a good bouquet of flowers, a card, and a cake? so in the end we decided to celebrate nonetheless.

and our lesson on organic chemistry! that was fun! i love visual learning! :D nomenclature's like the only fun thing about organic chemistry.

centre stage

2008-03-12T21:36:00.002+08:00

to prove to you centre stage's genius, watch this -

you must totally watch it till the end, cos the final dance scene is the nicest! and the fouette turns at the end - like whoaaa. this is to prove to you that ballet has no boundaries. and not like the normal ballet you usually see.

michael jackson's song "the way you make me feel" makes up the first scene. michael jackson's hot okay! :D

okay i shall watch my centre stage dvd now! :D

step up 2

2008-03-11T23:08:00.005+08:00

STEP UP 2 was nicer than STEP UP! channing tatum looks a lil' retarded in the final performance in step up 1, but step up 2 has cute guys, hot chicks and funny scenes! you got to watch the part when the MSA students were mocking the 410 crew by dancing behind the leader's back! :D and the fish is pretty funny itself. but all in all, it's a pretty predictable movie, so it won't go down to my fucking-awesome-must-fucking-watch-movies! but centre stage is! too bad no one's cool enough to notice centre stage. i assume it's because there aren't many artistic people to be appreciative of ballet movies, to understand the intensive practices behind it, to understand that each 5 min show requires thousands and thousands of re-runs. and to truly appreciate the grace, poise and elegance of the ballet.

ballet dancers can spot an ugly pointe from a beautiful pointe, whereas common people just think going en pointe looks elegant enough. it means so much more than going en pointe. my teacher once said that wearing a pair of pointe shoes does not necessarily mean that you are going en pointe. you need to use your feet. and moreover, a great dancer is born with the body, never made out of it. it just suddenly dawned on me that i'll never be a great dancer no matter how hard i try. even if i want to make a career out of dancing, i'll just be a professional average dancer, that's all. it sucks that some people have it all, but lack the passion and the determination, whereas others don't have it all, and have to go to great lengths to achieve a little bit of what the born dancers have. and it sucks that it took me 10 fucking years to achieve a certain posture. and perhaps 5 more years to get the feel of it. and another 5 more years to get the hang of it. and then another 5 more fucking years to perfect a certain dance. and then - all my years wasted, cos i would have retired.

and tmr's gonna be my spa. i'm hoping that everyone out there would wish the queen bee here a very good luck, cos it's counted in my stupid Os. and i wish all of you a happy fucking holidays. see ya! :D

and here's something funny!

dilemma

2008-03-06T20:36:00.007+08:00

Midnight Sun.
Some people just look effortlessly sexy.
And I simply love to hate her.

i'm put in a position where it is very very very difficult for me to pick between either one. of course, being a rational and logical person, i know i would not hesitate to choose the only one, but yet i can't give up on the other one, because it's something that i want for a very very long time. it has been with me ever since sec 1, and now i'm in this dilemma. but of course, i've decided to step down, after a long and hard consideration - because that's the only thing i can do.

like what amadea said. i'm suffering from post-gossip girl withdrawal symptoms. give me back my gossip girl! but i kinda don't want it to start again. i'll be hooked, and i can't concentrate on studies anymore, can i? and i won't want to see blair at her lowest moment, and i don't want chuck to have a new love interest, because i only want chuck to fall head over heels for blair, and then blair to finally accept him. i don't want to see blair begging chuck. ugh that's desperate.

Trapped in the past, can't go back it's a cruel twist of fate.

Dancers just love to have fun! :D (admit it, i'm pretty good at this - even if it means suffocating in this goddamned small wardrobe and being claustrophobic.)

Shaomin trying to save the dying nura from suffocating. but admit it, i'm still the best, thunder thighs and all. my legs aren't that huge haha who am i kidding. but i kinda looked like i have 'crafted' legs, since i had a plaster on my knee (from that stupid kid who ran onto me while i was happily minding my own business, doing my own stretching) told you i'm queen of camwhore. and sheba. well i'm queen bee. (:

admit it, you love to hate me. (:

P.S just heard ed westwick's fucking single again! :D

when i'm with you

2008-03-02T21:42:00.005+08:00

It's even better than strawberries and cream;
it's even better than hot chocolate with marshmallows
or even with a piece of candy cane.
because the feeling's indescribable,
when you're with me.
It's like watching a beautiful dance performance,
as if it were my life,
it's like remembering the hardships I've been through,
in the journey of dancing.
That's how you make me feel,
when I'm in your presence.
It's like looking at my collection of worn-out pointe shoes,
and reminiscing the past with it.
It's like bringing back nostalgic memories,
for that's how you make me feel,
when I'm with you. (:

p.s The dream about **** may not seem as important as this, even when I'm with you.

Chompchomp and Ice Cube

2008-03-01T03:32:00.004+08:00

Photos again! :D

I'm afraid I can't do this every other day once school starts. I'm, like, totally excited for school to reopen, so that I sink my head into the knee-deep shit I'm landing myself into. How gross.

Forgot to hand in my bio revision worksheet 1 again. And I did it.

Went to Chomp Chomp for a supposed class gathering - which also means that half of the party's rightfully belonging to 4i, whereas the other half are just party crashers. The party's only meant for 6 people. How wonderful. But the stingray, chicken wings, and hokkien mee's still as good as ever! Plus the 2 big jugs of sugar cane that we ordered! It's been quite some time since I've last went to Chomp Chomp! About a month? I've been going to the other hawker centre a lot though! (:

I suggested going to Ice Cube, since the ungrateful dancers went without me the previous trip, to get wasted on underage boozing. And so we went, and ordered 2 different single scoops of liquor ice cream! And a Ring of Fire! :D Yummy! The ice cream's rather common actually - I would have preferred Island Creamery - but the liquor's nice! And Alethea, who hasn't been there before, made comments like "Why does the liquor come in test tubes?" "Oh, they are test tubes!" and "Why is there a candle in the middle?" How annoyingly funny!

Went for ballet after about 2 weeks of absence. I'm getting a little rusty, but thank god we didn't do barre work today. The pointe is intensive though - it always is. But today we did turn, and I had a little trouble. I shan't compare with the rest - I shall only compare with myself.

It pleases me that I have thoughts about the future, and a better idea about where to go and what to do with my life in future. Everyone knows that I have a clear vision of my future - a goal in mind - but now I'm laying down my path towards it. And the 'construction' is almost done - I'm only left with the mission to accomplish it. I can't remember why, but last night I did some research on how to accomplish my goal. And I read that I need an MBA, which allowed me to flip through the BrightSparks Scholarship booklet that my sis has. I've always had a rough idea of what subject combinations to choose for in JC - but now I'm even more aware of it. I'm already thinking of what I would like to major in, in university, and what scholarship to try to obtain in future.

And whee ~ I'm glad that my hopes of finishing ballet is coming soon (and I'm glad that quite a few people in my ballet class are not taking pointe classes now. So during intermediate, I'll be a pro. Hah.). Not that I hate ballet. I can be a part-time ballet teacher or be a part-time ballet dancer if I'm going overseas to study.

Sec 3 juniors are back from OAC! But they annoyingly forgot to message Mummy about their OAC trip. ): Guess they're tired. The messages better come flooding in after I wake up 8 hours later. Or else I'll scream the hell out at y'all and y'all not gonna call me Mummy anymore. Then I'll make sure you'll get a hell out of me this farewell.

You know, I would do anything just to get to my goal. That's how desperate I am. Everyone wants that goal, but I'm extremely desperate for it. If anything, I should be the one to deserve it. No matter injustice - I want everything handed to me in a silver platter now. That's where it's gonna start from. And I'm going to work hard towards it. When have I stopped working hard? When have I stopped thinking of it? I pray to God everyday, to ask Him to answer my prayers, that one day, I'll be actually living it. The Dream. The Wish. The Desire. Which is why I can relate myself to Blair. She's never stopped working hard - I've never stopped working hard towards my goal. She will stop at nothing to get what she wants, so do I. She has many insecurities, just like me - I'm depressed because of them. She suffers from stress-induced regurgitation, so do I. Her friends have everything despite her determination, so do I. But she's rich. I'm not. She has Nate, or Chuck. I have nobody. Which is why I need a SugarDaddy. Anyone wants to be mine?

Videos

2008-02-29T12:37:00.004+08:00

Videos at MINT! (But be sure to read the first post below first - and PHOTOS! :D)

Contestant No. 1 (with loads of stumbling and stammering from the commentator)

Contestant No. 3 aka Champion! (with loads of messy hair)

e-learning!

2008-02-29T11:52:00.008+08:00

CAN I HAVE A HALLELUJAH?

hallelujah!

The day that I've been anticipating for was here again - sec 3 OAC aka e-learning aka school holidays aka not-going-back-to-stupid-cedar-to-tolerate-any-shit-from-school-and-math days!

Despite liking the fact that I love to see my friends and dancers and Mrs Chia (when she's nice and when I'm good) and Mrs Koh and having lovely lit lessons with Mrs Foo - it's just not working for me. You know, despite having great (and empty) dreams about going to a nice, peace-loving jc and obtaining a good scholarship that will ensure a better future, I simply hatehatehate going to hell-school.

At least I know I've been working hard on Wed, because according to my friends, they haven't even started! :D So here I am, giving you my latest crappy photos of my trip to MINT at Seah Street (across Raffles Hotel).

Was supposed to meet Rachel in the morning to take her to Golden Landmark to buy her FIRST pair of transition tights and other ballet things. But she was LATE - and even later than me. And I was furious - not really. Since the Queen is a generous and gracious lady, she doesn't get furious easily. But even so, the Queen waits for no one! But at least I did some productive shopping! :D Ahh - retail therapy cures the heart of any illness. We went to Golden Landmark and Rachel got her First CHEAP transition tights and First CHEAP canvas split-sole shoes, and cabbed to OKH at Tanglin Shopping Centre, where she bought her Grade 8 ballet syllabus CD (she intended to buy the piano score too). Haven't been to OKH for a long time, and the place is so dainty and pink that I decided I shall work there someday! :D Rachel then dropped me off at Orchard on the way back home.

Met Wenlyn at Wisma Atria and we shopped abit while waiting for Denise, who would be late. We arrived at Cityhall to meet Denise, and ate at the cafe beside Lulu. I know it sounded nice the last time I went there. But the previous time I came, it was Shokudo which caught my eye. It had the Marche and Vil'age feeling. (: The food is nice and inexpensive! We went to MINT later and had a hell of a good time! It was so isolated that we owned the whole buiding! All 4 floors of it! Including the elevator! But I guessed we made too much noise, and this guy came up to check on us. But fortunately we were watching a video and were on our best behaviour. As I am the Queen of Camwhore, I took a lot of photos! All 54 pictures and 3 videos! Shall wait for Wenlyn and Denise to send me their photos so that I can upload them again! :D And I shall wait for Serena (who is currently suffering in OAC) to send me the un-loaded photos which included me in MOST of them. Told you I'm the Queen. (: [My hairband is new! Bought it because I'm living in my fantasy land again - thinking I'm Blair Waldorf.]

On the first attempt, the door of the elevator decided to be naughty and closed on me, leaving denise and wenlyn in the lift. They shoot up and I had to wait for them to come down again.

On the Second attempt:

CORRECT!

Olden days Mickey Mouse is fucking ugly.

My latest photoshoot! Wearing an ugly tanktop, and my Mango orange shorts! (I was thinking of the beach when I chose my outfit of the day. Who would have thought that Denise and Wenlyn wanted to dress up to rock the house?)

And the glass pane I'm standing on:

Thank God I'm wearing shorts. Most of MINT is made up of glass panes. The whole wide world would know I was wearing cotton underwear with pink hearts!

Look how relaxed Wenlyn is. Shows you how soft and comfy the couches were.

And as for me, I'm as gleeful as a child. (:

my favourite cocktail. (:

2008-02-25T21:14:00.003+08:00

Team (:
I look kind of unhappy here.

>More pics! (and actually more pics to come!) I'm already rather selective in the pics that I'm putting up here - I'll only pick those that I like. How superficial. But hey, at least we try to be selective in our poses too! Unlike the usual 1-10 liansxz poses. (admittedly we did that too, except I consider ourself of a more...aristocratic class)

I can't wait to watch Master and Mistress! But I don't really have anyone to watch with. Sigh. And I have to take the role as Big Sis and pretend to be a tour guide or something equally annoying.

Ballet exam's falling on 9, 10, 11, 14 or 15 of April. Whee I'm really lucky to have my ballet exam in April! More time to do some stretching exercises to improve on my technique. And thank goodness it's on weekdays! I'll be able to skip classes twice this year! :D

Taking Rachel to Golden Landmark this Wednesday. We're having e-learning week for 3 days due to the OAC. Lucky us! :D More time for revision, but more time for shopping trips too! (:

pictures for republic poly!

2008-02-24T22:46:00.006+08:00

pictures! (there are more to come when serena uploads hers!)

(most of the pics here are credited to kor woong the spastic!)

we've offically graduated!

amadea has it upside down. (:

the epitome of glamour.

open the door to wisdom. (:

we're not just dancers. we're sacred buddhas.

kor woong the jay chou. (:

i'm hooked on you.(: [makeup looks pretty weird here. maybe it's gotta do with the overdose of brown on my eyes.]

the sentio toilet! MISSED IT! ):

sentio is one of the finest memories i ever had. and i'll truly appreciate it. (: just that if there are videos of it, it would be even better.

of course we can see here that korwoong is the pretty one. but i'll settle for being the queen of sheba instead. (: i just had an idea on how to rebutt people when they claim i'm bitchy. i'm just CATTY! :D like MEOW.

wow imagine we cried again like tmr? yay i shall cry if i want to. it makes me think. really - crying makes me think. i didn't want to cry on friday, but they just made me cry. imagine if we really step down. won't we cry like there's no tmr?

oh and i forgot this one thing that's really important! singapore's like hosting the FIRST ever youth olympic games 2010! three cheers for singapore! :D it's like we're so good can. we're capable of doing great things, and i am truly proud of singapore!

performance at republic poly

2008-02-22T23:48:00.002+08:00

republic poly.
sentio. ):

shall upload pics when my fellow lovely dancers send me the photos. (: i'm sure there are loads of me in them, because i just love being the centre of the attention! like whoa i can't stand being away from the spotlight for looongg.

when we arrived at republic poly, all i can think of is sentio. how much fun i had at sentio, how many wonderful memories there. our syf dance, the rgs dance, the rjc dance...as well as sneaking in food in our 'dorms', which is our dressing room (plus a walk-in toilet and LCD screen), and playing cards. the 7-11, the canteen "hell"...

when the person i/c told us that our dressing room is on the 2nd floor, i immediately took off - which surprised me because we haven't been to republic poly for 8 mths, and yet i knew it as if it was etched on the back of my hand. however we took the left room instead, which was previously occupied by the lil' girls. they had such a wonderful dressing room! -jealous- with all that mirrors and built-in sinks. and whenever i landed on the 2nd floor, my natural instinct was to turn right. which makes me sad, because it reminds me of sentio (which can never be the same again. ever again.) this is probably the last time i'll ever be there. ): and perhaps the sec 4s' last major performance.

to me, this performance is nothing as compared to sentio. and back then when we still have our wonderful seniors to help us, and guide us. (: there's this empty feeling in my stomach - no matter how much i try to fill it up with food, it'll still remain empty, for it's my soul that needs replenishing. i know it sounds silly to try to hold on to these memories, to pray for time to slow down, but it's only natural of me - of people who are capable of feeling with the heart - to do so.

but still, we managed to take loads of pics. and in our room, i discovered this door, which gives access to some maintenance room, which is so huge it's probably two to three storeys high. and of course i deem myself as the founder for this special place, since everyone assumed that the door is locked. everyone started taking pics - but i, the natural camSLUT, am and will always be the centre of attention, for i relish the attention so much. and no matter how 'bitchy' (i think i'm actually kind of nice, judging by the good relationship i have with my peers - except sometimes when i'm more of my usual and mean self) i am, how much i put people down, how much i thread on people, i'll still be loved by certain people! :D

and i'm glad to say that these people have not disappointed me, because in times of adversity, they still encouraged me, consoled me, helped me out. all these little things are important, and all these matter so much to me. they showed their love through these little actions, and it touched my heart, because i know i haven't been a good person, nor a good role model. but thanks to them, my life in cedar (and dance) has been so wonderful, and interesting. it makes me look forward to recesses, after school and dance - to see my juniors and friends, who i know will be there for me. maybe people think it's funny, or even amusing, that little actions such as helping me throw rubbish, or applying makeup for me, or lending me something i.e eraser, worksheets (or allowing me to cut those long and tedious queues, or helping me to carry food), can touch my heart - but it's true, because i've been through times when no one's willing even to stop and help me. therefore i'm grateful that despite needing to attend to their needs, they are willing to give up their time to help me out. they are not only companions, they are also my muses, my inspiration and the components which make my life perfect, the jigsaw pieces that makes the puzzle complete.

so here goes:

sec 4 dancers, i love you! we've been through thick and thin, ever since sec 1, aces day, cny dance, open house, SYF, sentio, stilts, bhangra etc (there are so many other events that i've currently forgotten!) and here we are - standing here. i'm really glad i'm in dance, and have persevered till today, because there are so many times when i thought i could give up. our sweat, blood and tears. our months and months of intensive practices for a certain 5 min performance. our 7 months of SYF practices for the 7 min SYF competition item, that gold with honours, that glory, our reputation - from a amateur into a passionate and experienced cedar dancer, from laoshi's scoldings initially in sec 2 to laoshi's occasional compliments and acknowledgment. from being a follower to being a leader, from a lower sec dancer to an upper sec dancer, and then choreographer. thank you so much for these little bits and pieces, that are so valuable to me.

sec 3 dancers, you know perfectly well that we've close bonding, even more so than our sec 4 seniors. and i know i'm closest with all of you, from our dance recesses, to our occasional bonding sessions in school, macs, and some random places including the library. and you'll be the batch i'll be most worried about. because y'all have a reputation to uphold, and that's a burden, and an almost impossible task to do! but i know you are all capable of unleashing your best potential, so keep our fire burning! :D and i wanna thank all of you for being there for me, your support and encouragement, and your company throughout these journeys. we've almost been through the same thing, so we'll definetely share the same joys and sorrow. we'll still continue to have our dance recesses till we grad, so don't fret. (: we can even have study sessions after school when exams are nearing. and i'll still continue to go up to 4th level to look for you all, because you're that important to me. (:

sec 2 dancers, i'm sorry that we don't have the opportunity to bond at all. and although we initated it, certain events have lead us to being in the same position over the year. and it hasn't been improving. although y'all joined in more than a year ago, perhaps due to syf, we were too busy that we didn't have the time and opportunity to talk at all, thus our 'generation' gap. and even when we are together, we didn't talk much - perhaps we were too preoccupied with other things. the bonding b/w the sec 3s and 4s are just too good. (: so don't be shy, and step up! :D thank you for putting in effort in these performances that you have taken part in. focus in normal dance practices, because they may be the steps you guys are using for next year's syf. maybe laoshi's going to leave us, but you'll still play a part in upholding cedar dance's reputation - so keep on striving!

maybe it's after the bhangra performance when we cried - that i realised these feelings. perhaps it's when libing came up to me and told me she loved me, and when serena and chewan came up to me, that i realised that they are the ones i love the most, and can't possibly do without in dance. even though i'm deemed as a funny girl, they are the audience. without them, i'm absolutely nothing, and am just dancing in the air. otherwise, i'd have been too preoccupied with myself.

because bhangra performance is the finale item of the show, and after our induction ceremony dance, we waited for ages for the bhangra instructors to come with the costumes and help us tie our turbans. our finale item's at 8.45, and they only came at 8.30pm, which means we only have 15min. i was getting really fidgety. when i couldn't find my costume, i nearly broke down, because the person i/c is counting down to our showtime. and perhaps because we couldn't find the girls' bhangra costume yesterday (we only found 3 sets), perhaps it was lost in transaction or in some other cca's boxes in some random ulu place, we had to buy the cloths yesterday instead. all these problems just keep arising, and it only adds to our frustration. when they are accumulated, perhaps that's when i broke down. and also because i injured myself on stage for the first performance. my skin tore off and i could barely walk, which resulted in a poor performance for bhangra. but the love and consideration of my juniors made me stop and think, that perhaps i'm not the only one in this world who have just as many problems as i do, and more.

and i can feel the love some of my peers have for me - and it's not in an egotistical kind of perception. it's a bonding that we share - my cliques, my classmates, my friends, my family. it's everybody out there. of course, i know that there are some people who don't feel that way, but there are still people who do - and for this i'm glad. it doesn't really matter if the number of people who cared about me is high, it's only about them. and for that, i ask nothing more from them.

and i tell you one thing - which some superficial people may think - it's never about romance. it's only about love, in a sisterly, family kind of way. we are such a huge family, yet we have such a close relationship.

and thank you all. (:

post-chingay!

2008-02-20T19:46:00.007+08:00

the butterflies are from chingay preview. on the actual day we had water droplets in silver, purple and pink! :D

been pretty busy for the past week with chingay and tests, so i did not have the opportunity to blog - but here i am!

chingay's really fun! my one night of fame - actually 2 nights of fame! i didn't watch curse of the golden flower, but my friend says it resembles the movie's costume! stage makeup's really horrible. we used eyelash glue to stick on the glitter. some are stuck with lipgloss. i've got loads of pimples lately, but also due to breakouts. i'm slightly behind time in school - you know how i am with time management and stress, just like last year's SYF. but this is fun, less tiring and really exciting! we perspired a lot, as much as i've perspired in SYF. i'm so proud to be in the finale item, so you can expect it all to be really grand. so when the fireworks started, i almost wanted to cry. standing on the stage is like having your own concert, and it's as if the fireworks were meant for you, and as if people were celebrating and cheering for you - definetely one of my most exciting and memorable performance in my life. on wed when we went to cityhall to rehearse, the cars were zooming past and the people were gaping at us. i was so happy at that moment! :D it's like standing on top of the world, it's like having the cars stop for you, it's like eating marshmallows and hot chocolate and strawberries and cream, but the feeling's better than that. the feeling's indescribable, it takes one to experience to understand!

i have to admit though that stage makeup does not make me more glamorous, and if you look at me closeup, you'll find it hard to look at me. ): since it makes me look horrible, but from far, i'm not too sure - it's supposed to enhance your features. but i do feel glam waving to the audience, and walking from cityhall to marina gv, to have the cars stop for us, to have the people look at us for just one more moment. it's these little things that really matter. and thanks to those who came down to support me! :D i truly appreciate it!

i'm so tired these days, when's the last time i had a good sleep? i'm not sure - but wish me luck for this friday's performance! i'm actually really upset when i realised that the performance is this friday, instead of sat. which means that i have to skip ballet. it makes me wonder for a moment - no, more than one moment - if i shld give this performance up to have my ballet class. but no, that would be stupid - giving up a hard to come by opportunity for a ballet lesson, which happens more than once a week? i just hope that this performance will boost my cca pts instead, since i have enough cip pts to think of.

rachel brought her violin to play yesterday! :D oh my i'm so touched when she played moon river! (: it makes me think back to breakfast at tiffany's my official fave song! :D

pictures

2008-02-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

pictures!! :D

roman holiday's love. (:

our MRT escapades!

steph and me! (:

pinghui and me! i don't have a neck. ):

the aftermath of chingay.

wayang chingay. ):

i'm like officially in love with false eyelashes! :D though i can't really see much from all these stage makeup. guess stage makeup makes me horrifyingly hideous. sigh. and the costume's kinda i-won't-wear-it-for-prom dress, but at least from far no one will mind. i hate the choker though. it just reduces my non-existent neck, and the headdress only helps to widen my face, making it bigger. well all this is supposed to make me larger than life, but i can't help feeling sad.

the last pic's not really about amazing leaps, but her bulging muscles just scream perfection. (:

you are the epitome of sensual refinement.

HAPPY CNY

2008-02-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year babes!

chingay's been busting my ass - the media preview was okay, but it was raining and my skirt's soaked to the skin. fortunately we're the finale item, because it stopped raining, and we weren't drenched. i must tell you - the corset stuck to my skin and causes the skin at my armpit to have rashes - which means that i can't shave! haha just joking.

i'm telling you - grease 2 rocks! :D yay michelle pfeiffer is one hot lady! and so it maxwell caulfield!

i'll be coming back tmr night and till then, i'll upload pics! so think of me during my absence!

injustice.

2008-02-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

have been feeling rather emo lately. i just keep crying endlessly without even knowing why. maybe it's just my hormones, but really, it's very unlike me to cry for petty reasons. maybe those reasons aren't that petty, they are in fact rather big. maybe i'm already to my extent, on the verge of breaking down. fuck, i don't even know.

it makes me cry when i think of how i have to work twice as hard as others, but they achieve better results than me. this is so often in dance. i work really hard during ballet classes - i take more classes than my fellow classmates - i practise and i know my steps, yet some people who's often EXTREMELY late for classes and don't even know their steps, can score better than i do. i know it's got to do with technique, but even so - it pisses me off. if only ballet exams are assessed during classes. some people have everything practically handed to them in silver platters. it's unfair how someone, without trying hard, can be so popular, while others have to work their very best to scramble to the top. and it's unfair how some people can eat twice as much as me and not put on weight at all. it's unfair that skinny people should tell me that they are trying to lose fucking weight when i'm the big, fat and ugly one, and i haven't lost any weight since year 1984? and it's so unfair that i do revise my work just like everyone else, but my results are crap. and it's so annoying that certain people don't do well in their studies, but are acknowledged by people, whereas people like me aren't given any credit for any fucking work that i do. and it's annoying that sometimes people think that i'm overshadowed by my sister, just because she's like a freaking genius and i'm like what? the lost end of a pole? and it's annoying that my dad adores my sis so much because she's like in fucking raffles and i'm in lousy cedar. and no matter how hard i try, i'll always be overshadowed by everyone else around me. i didn't mind in the first place, but everyone started talking about it, until i grew conscious of it, and started to realise that perhaps people see me as the outcast.

who in this fucking world takes me as a true friend? who in this fucking world actually appreciates me? who in this fucking world actually think i'm something else other than being a bitch, a bimbo, and a fucking lunatic? am i really someone who's just providing entertainment for everyone? do i have to be oddly cheerful 24/7 just so that people can be happy? don't i have feelings too? don't i have problems too? don't i make mistakes too? don't i feel devastated, depressed and afraid sometimes? well it's practically everyday. i worry about my weight, my looks, my social life, dance, my body, my studies, the pressure...everything. and no one wants to give me a break. they expect so much of me. and yet they feel nothing comes out. it's either too much of this, or never enough of that.

refrain from eating.

2008-01-30T21:17:00.001+08:00

please, xinya, please refrain from eating so much. you're such a horrible pig.

HALF DAY~

2008-01-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

whoopeedoo i love half days! :D it just makes my day! feels as if my hols are here. well but unfortunately no, because we have to mug for our Os this year, which is drawing much much nearer. i think there are 268 more days to Os, but take away public hols, and the hours you spend on the computer, shopping, celebrations, cca, ballet, other things, shitting, eating, sleeping - i'm afraid we've only got 125 more days left? that's an estimation, but i'm afraid it's true. ):

the sec 3 lit classes are going to england for 2 weeks in dec. i'm seriously annoyed. i'm sure we deserve equal opportunity to go last year, but why didn't they initiate it? and besides, they should save up this england trip's money for raising funds right, instead of taking away our dance fund - which results in having laoshi quit!! AHLEELOO! i'll try my best to let laoshi stay, but i'm afraid we're really short of funds. -pouts- laoshi has brought us to greater heights, and we owe everything we have to her. ): she's the best anyone can hope for. anyway - the only real place we the lit students have gone to is to the drama theatre at national library for titoudao, and we have to fork out our money! (well edusave's money belongs to us anyway, you cheating scumbag!) i sound like i'm furious - oh yes i am. but i certainly can't blame anyone, except maybe the one who thought of letting the sec 3s go to england this year. and other students not taking lit - STAY OUT OF IT.

thrashing session turned out be none. NIL. which means that the sec 2s didn't turn up. which means that our thrashing session is pointless. which means that some of us ended up in pp macs eating a pathetic lunch. which ended up with libing, chewan and me in bishan library, stoning our time away while waiting for libing's &*^%$#@ third lang class to come up. okay we didn't stone - we piled ourselves up with vogue magazines and curled up in this cozy yet claustrophobic corner to read. we 'oohed' and 'aahed' our way 4pm. while time was ticking by, i suddenly realised that that was a library indeed, and went to grab some gossip girl to read. and libing said "time's up." which means i have to throw away the books. but thank god i've read them before. or else i'll bawl my eyes out. oh wait - which book haven't i read? none. oops! meanwhile, when chewan left slightly early for tuition, this sec 1 junior (frm my sch because she accidentally-unintentionally pulled out our sch's handbook to show the whole fucking world) in plain clothes was hanging out with another friend from god-knows-where school. they sat right in front of us and spied on us throughout. like hello creepiness? not that she had interrupted my reading. but it's annoying to know that someone's watching your every move while you should be relax in this tranquil. not that it was that peaceful, since libing's so appreciative of fashion and agynness deyn that she's been 'oohing' and 'aahing' at every spread of agyness deyn in the magazine. she's pretty, but next time i think i'll flip through the pages and say "okay, pass." making sure that there's no agyness deyn in them before handing the magazines to them, or else she'll start blabbing about how wonderful she is. if you don't believe - go to her blog. when we were leaving i started telling libing about how the sec 1 junior could pretend to be gossip girl and start spreading rumors about us being homosexuals. like instead of b and s we could be x and l. that's funneh! okay not. in fact that's kinda gross. not that i have anything against libing, but she's like my AS, and also my mum (everyone's my mum, but she's more special, cos i've got an ultra huge butt, and she's got an ultra sexy butt). which is like gonna be ultra gross if you have a huge crush on your own mum. (but in fact she should be ah-ma because she's amazingly slow and dumb.)

red tights are in the rage now! well according to me. (:

Os results 2008!

2008-01-24T22:31:00.000+08:00

rumor has it - that guillemard camp's haunted. well but the atmosphere certainly isn't. it was brightly lit at night, with many chingay people around. oh wells. but wonder what it would be like when it's deserted. hmm...

beverley's like freaking hot okay. she's the one on the 3rd pic. ): and my glasses has dropped all the way to the tip of my nose like some old freaking lady. ):

i totally can't rmb where i put my pygmalion. i'm devastated. sigh. we've got our O levels chinese results today. yippee i got an A1, and a distinction for oral! not too bad huh? :D whew so proud of myself! but of course, i shouldn't be complacent. oh wells. that's all for today. i'm off to prepare myself for tmr's half day (due to outstanding Os results for ex-sec4s), which includes PE. sigh. and ballet.

red tights.

2008-01-23T16:26:00.001+08:00

i'm so in love with the idea of polaroids! :D and i'm loving the idea of PIVI all over again! used to have a craze over PIVI.

and a quote by one of the people i admire:

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

reminds me of gossip girl tv's blair waldorf. grace, poise and elegance. sighs. (: and red tights. i have a certain fetish for red tights. and it won't be long before i wear them. tsk.

kate bosworth is a beautiful, delicate woman. and she was accepted into princeton, but presumably turned it down to continue her career in acting. darn! who in the right mind would turn princeton down? the ivy league institutions are well known for their selectivity in admissions, academic excellence and social elitism. but anyway, she gets my attention now. the coconut juice in her brain must be concentrated - no, saturated - for her to be accepted.

integrity

2008-01-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Presenting to you this month's reflections - honesty. Not. as my quote has already proven to you, fuck integrity, and fuck honesty.

sigh. guess i have to spend vday with a bunch of ladies at this random shack of a Goolimaht camp. sometimes i wonder where we're being shipped to, this mystery place. we don't know the exact location of it in singapore. it's like some eerie bermuda triangle tale. you can only take a certain bus to get there, and that certain bus to get out of that place. because no living soul ever made it there on foot. you can't find it in the singapore map. tsk. okay - it's somewhere in paya lebar and geylang. so the main point is - i'll be having chingay combined rehearsal on vday. ): I DON'T WANT TO! oh wells it's not as if i have anyone to celebrate it with anyway. sighs.

if Os is really on 20 Oct, then there are only 272 days left to it. and i'd better start mugging. so what am i doing here using the darn internet you ask me?! well - i won't have time to mug like a madwoman until chingay's over. so much for commitments. -pouts- i think i'm mad. i always picture myself with frizzy hair all over the place, and tears in my eyes with eyeliner and mascara dripping all over my face, looking absolutely haggard and worn down. and thin of course. like i'm such a workaholic. and damn. i kinda like that idea.

Dance is a delicate balance between perfection and beauty.

past photos.

2008-01-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

photos for the past year 2007. beautiful memories. but some are just random photos. for example, this beautiful animal bag:

chuck bass is LOVE. fuck it.

mean reds

2008-01-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Paul Varjak: Sure.

Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

so when i get the mean reds, where do i go to?

feel like there are holes in me - it's just incomplete. but i don't know how to fill up certain holes. it's just empty - there. but i know one thing - you're one of the reason why i'm incomplete.

performance at induction ceremony was damn screwed. technical problems, mistakes (loads), and certain slight waldrobe malfunctions i think. we were totally off-timing for everything. we just practically humiliated ourselves in front of the whole school. yeah i was quite sad actually. libing and i stayed up at pp macs while the rest scattered off. we did bitch a lot, but it was based on facts. whee i love libing! :D

my meals have been seldom but heavy. every time after chingay i'll just heavy supper (which is actually dinner). and i'll have recess and lunch together. ): at the rate i'm going, i'm sure i won't be able to fit into my costume. and bravo, i've been waking up early for this whole week! and i've been dancing for four hours today.

poise. elegance. glamour. had the sudden fetish for audrey hepburn. and polaroids. and fishnet tights. and cappucinos. and hot chocolate. and quiet bookshops. and a bagel. and lots of classical romance to keep me going - and crying. and the fucking strike to end.

my fellow classmates playing "the eagle catches the chicks" game at the SFE centre, in front of the sec one classroom block. hello maturity?! and by the way, the eagle's penelope!

school sucks.

2008-01-11T22:01:00.000+08:00

grah my laptop is so slow that even though i have the fastest connection speed, it's not worrrking. -pouts- i'm in a terrible mood lately. well not exactly - but i'm going to be. and i'm kind of feeling dizzy now, i think due to the lack of sleep. hopefully i can turn in early, if the connection speed improves, so that i can finish surfing the net. i haven't been online since wed. sigh it's an addiction that i can't seem to cure. not that i want to.

chingay's been killing my ass. every wed and thu from 7.30 to 10pm? like i have time to do my homework. i've been lucky because the workload hasn't been that heavy yet. when it gets worse, that's when i'm gonna get grumpy. like SYF. bawling my eyes out. except hopefully it won't be that bad, because the worst (SYF. plus cheer.) is over. (: but i like commitments you know. i like the feeling of being part of it all. and the whole "chingay" word makes it all the more exciting, because you know thousands of people are watching you, even if they don't spot you among the huge number of people. but the sad thing is we're practising at PA HQ, which is at kallang, which is also 5 stops away from cedar. which means i won't be able to go home (and judging by my commitments in school too) and that means i can't take a bath until i reach home. and that is at 12am. ): okay not like i'm some cleanliness freak, but i feel sticky and unwell.

had ballet today. we skipped pointe work today. rahh i feel so weird without it. like i'm not fully warmed up or something. i'm really tired. chingay's been busting my ass, and now ballet's back. with double classes. ): my weekend is totally ruined.

school's been so boring. but you know i'm kinda so stoned now i don't even want to talk to anyone. that's kinda rare, since i'm always the one talking, and always the one who needs some shutting up. and induction ceremony for sec one is tmr. i have to be there by 7.30am, cos we're performing. today's rehearsal was so screwed, and performing in front of certain teachers and students, it was so humiliating. it can be considered one of my most humiliating experiences ever. ): we totally didn't know what to do, and i was late for ballet. yikes. one thing i hate about performing arts is that people get to criticise what you consider art. you may like it, but people may detest it. and performing in front of people? make any mistakes or goofs and you go down in history.

the truth is always beautiful, but so are lies.

i gained inspiration from this certain show. it's so true, that i've been quoting it frequently. everyone likes to see the best of people, but i like to see the truth. and i see that many people are selfish, manipulative bitches, who won't bother to sacrifice for one another. they are not true friends. because obviously, they don't bother with you. and they don't care. they only think about yourself. i've heard the same excuses over and over again. oh god crap. and the saddest thing is? they are all around me. if you feel a tinge of guilt, yes i'm talking about you. and another sad thing is, if i don't like you that much, i won't bother with you either. but i do try to help people, although most of the time i'm insensitive to people's feelings - because i do believe god's watching.

i'm actually pretty stressed up from going to which jc/poly next year. i mean Os is not that much of a big deal, but to me it's a big deal. and my dad's been putting so much pressure on me. sigh i'm worried i won't be able to make it for TP open house.

i love midnight supper at macs with fellow dancers! :D and 853 midnight bus rides home! although i'm feeling sticky, smelly and dehydrated. and although i know i'm going to reach home late. and although i know that i'm going to be sleepy tmr morning, and although i know i have tons of homework undone. but being with friends, you can just forget about everything else. :D

i'm infatuated with polaroids. (:

school.

2008-01-05T16:03:00.000+08:00

my first week of school was torturing. ): everything was shitty - the waking up early part, the homework part, and the constant reminder by each and every teacher that Os is just 9 months away, the getting around to the new school idea, the introduction to the teachers part and everything else. the school's pretty big, and it's hot and old. but at least we don't get some really lousy rundown school. and the school made the effort to repaint the school and make it more conducive for us to study in, so that's plus points for you. (:

our form teacher's hilarious! shan't say much here, but really - you should find out for yourself! i'm inviting you to come sit with us in class, eat with us, live your life with us - it's too good to pass up! he's fucking hilarious! he punishes people who don't bring books to school for reading, he's new to the school system, but he apparently taught cedar 10 years ago, so we'll have a lot of "used to" and "long time ago" stories. but apparently he must be -ahem- good, since he's from (quotes) "ri, nanyang girls', singapore sports school" to begin with. like whatever. he teaches us chem, and i'm chem rep! :D i wanted the job, so i got it! (: yeah how you know i got ulterior motive?

i'm already feeling tired, but there's more to come. there'll be sec 1 auditions for dance next wed and fri, dance practices on mon and thu, chingay practices on wed and thu, and ballet on fri. and rad ballet resumes next week. -pouts- after all the concert stuff, i'm kinda tired. and yesterday's ballet was like hell. it was torture, but prob it's been a long time since we had friday class. well it felt like it. but teacher said we can try to go en pointe for next concert's performance! that'll be fun!

it's great seeing all of my friends again though - and juniors! i'm loving dance again!

here's a picture i saw at ikea this morning. fondness. (:

happy new year

2008-01-01T17:39:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR, BABES! (:

and fuck school.

concert@drama theatre!

2007-12-31T00:54:00.000+08:00

gosh it's already the end of year. and what have i done? zero. absolutely nothing. i hope i'd actually pee in my pants out of nervousness over Os, like my parents, but no i'm not. i can't see the future. and i don't even know what i'm going to have for breakfast tmr morning, let alone see where i'm heading to. but one thing i'm sure. i gotta try and ace Os, so that i won't get whipped at home. kidding!

the concert at drama theatre (national library) yesterday was awesome! i mean we all had fun, despite our ups and downs. there were many struggles in the process - the pain, the disappointment, the pent up anger. our months and months of hard work for this particular performance. and we only had one item! @#$%^&*!

drama theatre rocked! i would know, since we actually booked the same particular one we had at titoudao! the stage is freaking small, and the audience were pretty close up. we had rehearsals on friday, and 2 performances (the 2pm and 8pm show) yesterday. our GOH was the minister of health, mr khaw boon wah. i missed republic poly! the stage's freaking big, the studio's pretty wide, and the place's just awesome! the changing rooms were big and spacious, and we had a personal toilet! and there were lcd screens for us to get a pic of the whole stage and what's going on during performances! -sobs- we should have it there next time. if there's a next, maybe. it's actually bi-annual! by the time i'll be freaking out in jc1 or whatever.

we took the opportunity to camwhore, as usual. (: and we took some artisitc shoots, pretending we're ANTM! not that i'm cut out to be one actually, and my face looked ultra huge in the pics, especially since we back-combed our hair. 'nuff said. pics mean a thousand words.

and i know you're dying to know how i look with my stage makeup and costume and hair and all (don't lie, don't pretend, don't deny!), so now i'm going to show you the real, close-up pic. but absolutely no bitching! i'm extremely self-conscious. so unless you're really sure you won't laugh or anything, then take a look! nah i'm not that modest actually. i'm procrastinating, because if i'm sure, i won't put up my pic. how hypocritical. but still, i don't handle well with bad comments.

minus the costume:

i have a fucking high forehead, and flabby cheeks. okay, that sums up everything. ALL THAT JAZZ. have a good night, and an advanced happy new year! (:

britney!

2007-12-26T00:59:00.000+08:00

i know this is kinda late, since i watched the music video like more than week ago. but here it is.

britney rules! (: and admittedly, i've downloaded her whole album before it's released. oops. yup she's had her fair share of papparazi and making headlines and all, but she's still her. she's got that voice, and she's still gonna make it big and be really successful. and she's launched her new perfume called "curious" heart. of course i do not necessarily approve of everything that she's done (her shopping spree, her wedding to kevin federline, her partying ways, hitting papparazi, being a bad role model etc), but i'm so excited of her comeback! if only she'll focus on her career. and what with jamie lynn...truly i am surprised. go brit!

and i can't wait for fucking school lies.

2007-12-25T15:10:00.000+08:00

merry christmas one and all! :D have a jolly good year ahead of you, and hope you had a wonderful 2007! there have been many ups and downs for me this year. and my life's pretty screwed anyway. and oh. FUCK BLOGGER. i can't paragraph my words.

craving for snow? just print this page out and rip it. (:

ugly feet

2007-12-18T01:01:00.000+08:00

darn! about 9 more hours to go before roman holiday airs on ctv in canada. ): i almost forgot that it's today. and now i can't go to sleep. haha kidding. i was freakishly tired today despite having slept for 10 hours. ): i'm so lethargic throughout hols - eat, sleep and play. ): i'm getting fatter. -pouts-

here's some food for thought. yesterday during ballet rehearsals, while looking at the major grade ballet dancers performing en pointe, all the little girls rushed to the front to watch. all the parents stood up to watch. everyone's attention was on them. when they've finished, everyone clapped. it was unanimous. it's every little ballet dancer's dream to be en pointe, it's every parent's wish. when i was young, true - i'd admired them, i'd hope to be en pointe some day. it's what you see in the books, it's what you hear about them, it's the symbol for ballet. elegance, grace and poise. but now that my classmates and i are en pointe, we'll just bitch amongst ourselves, "this girl's not fully en pointe", "her arch is not that good", "her feet's sickle."

it's a different perspective, a different feeling. so people often get the wrong idea that it's a wonderful thing to be en pointe. and the truth? beneath all that beautiful satin and elegance, are years and years of hardwork, and ugly feet. you get bunions, corns, blisters, bruises...if you search for wikipedia, you'll see that there are so many injuries you can get from ballet. and the quote "compared to the 61 common sports, only professional [American] football is more physically demanding than ballet".

and professional ballet dancers are not well-paid! under all that intensive training, a ballet dancer is paid on an average of $600 per week. and a professional ballerina wears 2 to 3 pairs of pointe shoes a week. if you buy better branded pointe shoes like capezio, gaynor minden or bloch, one pair of pointe shoes about $50? so you spend about $150 a week on shoes. and what about miscellanous stuff like adhesive tapes, toe pads? (i just found out i could do without toe pads i'm so excited. but i got blisters from the rough wearing and tearing of the pointe shoes) it's just not practical for me to be a professional dancer. sigh. talk about work. and money. unless i'm gillian murphy or darcey bussell, or else it'll not be worth it. and bussell married a banker, asshole. i've nothing against her. i simply adore her, technique and all. the irony is, i'm rather eccentric myself. i like that dance till you drop concept, and i love buying leotards. i like wearing pointe shoes off, but then i'll have to spend another 40 bucks, which will send my mum to the rooftop, since ballet's considered rather expensive now. what with 3 ballet classes to pay, convertible tights and all. sigh. (:

breakfast at tiffany's quote

2007-12-06T16:40:00.000+08:00

Memorable quote (I practically memorised it!):

You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

it's often said that no matter the truth, people see what they want to see. some people may step back and realise they're looking at the same big picture all along. some people might see that their lives have almost caught up to them. some people may see what was there all along. and then there are those other people - the ones who run as far as they can, so they don't have to look at themselves. and as for me - i can see clearly now.

this is especially true for rebellious teens who believe that they 'know' what they are doing. but they just end up running into themselves, because they're just afraid that people are going to control them. they try to be defiant, but they just can't break free of their own clutches.

wednesdays = gossip girl!

2007-12-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

monday's blue, tuesday's hopeful, wednesday's happiest, thursday's satisfied, friday's lethargic, saturday's busy, sunday's tiring. and off to counting down again! :D

i seem to have too many things going on in my head. it's hard to concentrate on things. i have a memory span of less than 20min. and now i'm rather satisfied. i can go to sleep earlier than usual today, but i think i'll sleep crying. ): boohoohoos!

watched gossip girl ep 10 'hi society'. asked someone from canada to upload it for me since CTV broadcasts the show on tue. i almost cried at the end. poor chuck! when he saw blair together with nate. nate's dumb. he wants everyone to love him, yet he doesn't appreciate it. but the making out scene b/w blair and chuck after rehearsals was hot! hope blair finally realises that chuck's the better one and chooses chuck in the end. -gushes- the show's similar to the OC, but i haven't seen it yet, so maybe decades later i'll finally settle down to watch. i like the book's plot, but i love the show! and the texting scene's so good! nate finally realises that he may have lost something precious! and blair looked kinda helpless with nate in the end, and nate's just smiling like an idiot. but leighton meester (blair) shld go out with chace crawford (nate) in reality, and ed westwick (chuck) shall be mine! haha i love crisp british accent (isn't that like our native language too?)! and i hate his girlfriend already!
oh and i've uploaded some videos up on youtube. (:

spotted: chuck bass losing something no one knew he had to begin with - his heart.
if blair doesn't want it, i'll take it! :D

some people may see what was there all along. and then there are those other people - the ones who run as far as they can, so they don't have to look at themselves.
i felt so heartbroken! chuck don't go! ):

b: oh is that what i am to you, just an accessory?
c: next to him yes, but on me, you'd be so much more.

sister's arrival

2007-12-04T03:03:00.000+08:00

sis's come back from germany! and she brough back loads of goodies for me! of course, she's got loads of stories to tell, but what's so good about her return is the souvenirs she's brought back for meeee! (: nah i'm just joking. of course i'm glad that she's returned home safe and sound, but it's slightly awkward - like she's the new addition to our family. i'm so touched - because she brought back really nice stuff for me! like the old-fashioned notebook, very old school glamour. it costs 13 euros i think, more than twice the price here in SGD - prob about SGD$30? it's freakishly small - so it's rather expensive, but still! (: it's the thought that counts! and what left me in awe was the audrey hepburn perpetual bday calendar! :D -screams- i simply adore audrey hepburn! yay! and all 12 pics of her! well and there were earrings and tons and tons of chocolates. plus a shirt and dress, postcards, shoes and magazines. the magazines there were superb. well in all europe countries you can find real fashion there. i mean real. the makeup there's splendid. i'm also thrilled that she's back because my parents' attention are kinda diverted to her now! :D during these 2 horrible weeks, i had torturous lectures every day. how dreadful. well now everyone's happier! now for leon...hehehe.

so here are the pics of the souvenirs!

watched hard gay with sis today. he was hilarious! i loved him! :D watch him at http://www.hard-gay.org/. well...no - watch him on youtube. just type in hard gay. i can't stop laughing!

pointe shoes

2007-12-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

i've lost my pointe shoes ytd. how dumb. hopefully it'll still be there when i go back to the dance studio to retrieve it tmr.

i want the 2007 writers' guild of america strike to end! how gruesome. and i can't wait for hi society.

sister's coming back. i cant wait. (: